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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH back in contact with "OW"

3 replies

somewhatparanoid · 10/11/2011 14:37

I use "OW" lightly as it was the very beginning of our relationship, I forgave him and got over it, and he stopped contact with her fully. They texted/emailed a lot (this is before we lived together, he was in contact with her before he met me), but only met up once (shes at the other end of the country), and that was innocent (so I've been told, but I forgave him sleeping with her anyway, even though he still wont admit it)
So years down the line and we're married with one DC and one on the way, and she sends me a message via the evil that is facebook the other day, saying she wanted to let bygones be bygones. So I agreed that there was no reason why they couldnt be friends.
This was about a month ago and now for some reason today its making me feel uncomfortable. I checked his FB, nothing suspicious other than her saying her BF isnt aware of their "history". They have messaged each other, but only friendly chat, nothing odd. I've checked his history too today, and his phone recently (he is very open with everything, which he wasnt when they were in contact before).
I'm quite sure there is nothing going on, I'm very open (perhaps too much so!) to finding a problem, but I just feel so uneasy. Is it just cause I'm pregnant do you think?
So I asked him if he would be willing to stop contact again. Not told, asked. He said I was being silly and there was nothing going on.

OP posts:
Bangtastic · 10/11/2011 14:53

They have past form. Quite why they both now feel the need to be 'friends' again, I have no idea. What are they both gaining from it? Ask him that. And then ask him whether whatever he is gaining from their 'friendship' worth the distress it is causing you.

So were they in contact before she messaged you? Do you think he egged her on to message you to give them the all clear? Or did he run to get in contact with her the minute you told him of your conversation with her?

fridascruffs · 10/11/2011 14:59

I am in contact with a lot of my exes- in fact most. if I was told by a partner that it wasn't permitted to be in contact, thjey wouldn't be my partner for long. i stayed with an ex a little while back- his wife is pretty cool, I didn't know her much before but I think she's the bees knees now having spent a weekend with her, I'd spend time with her for her own sake.

maleview70 · 10/11/2011 18:51

I would maybe keep an eye on it but like the previous poster says it is not really unnattural to want to have some contact with past loves. I am good friends with my exw but it doesnt mean I want to sleep with her.

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