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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

can't stand my DP's mother...really anxious about spending time with her.

1 reply

pollyspocket · 10/11/2011 09:03

When I was younger I was told how important it is to marry someone from a similar background to yourself, as you will understand each other etc etc. I didn't understand the truth in this. My dp and I come from very different backgrounds. It didn't appear to be a problem but now after the birth of our ds it is more so. We didn't use to have much contact with his family, I didn't know them, or even meet them at all, but now we are. The thing is, I can't stand his mother. I haven't told dp this obviously, as it would hurt him, but I find it hard to even have a conversation with her. She is loud, brash, ignorant, judgemental and a gossip. I feel anxious about having to spend time with her and that we have to be in each other's lives. I am embarrased to be with her in public because she is incapable of talking, she has to shout at everyone and be the centre of attention, gossiping about people, and now dread spending time with her and big family events that would include the two sides of the family. We are supposed to be getting married, but now I am just dreading the wedding. I also find it really hard spending time with her with my ds, as she grabs at him and talks so loud right in his little face and he starts crying. Has anyone had any similar experiences/advice?

OP posts:
SFLLB3 · 10/11/2011 13:53

I really feel for you. I've been married 17 years and the first 5 or so years was hell, thanks to my interfering, opinionated and grumpy in laws.:( You don't mention what the remainder of your 'in laws' are like. If it's just the one who's unbearable, perhaps you can try to spend more time around other family members so as to leave Mrs Loudmouth isolated. If the rest are like her, then that could be more problematic ; I had ma in law and her evil eldest daughter in cahoots much of the time and even pa in law would gang up on me at times ! Age has mellowed the elder ones but the sis in law remains a real piece of work. I found that the less I paid attention to any of them and looked down my nose at them, the less confident they became in confronting me but alas, that only comes with age and time. You can never quite let your guard down or people like that will sniff 'weakness' and pounce. Can your partner not support you in this ? Mine used not to understand the problem but he was witness to their nastiness so many times that eventually he started stepping in to help and that put them off a bit too. :)

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