So, what do I do now re: brother

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I haven't seen or spoken to my brother for just over eight years. His wife was really vile to me on my wedding day and I got very depressed over it and decided that I couldn't cope with having contact with them.

I'm now on antidepressants and am having CBT and feeling a lot better. I do miss my brother, if not his wife, and emailed him a few days ago. It was just a short email.

He hasn't replied. Should I follow it up with something or ask my dh to phone and try to break the ice (he's very diplomatic and good at things like that)?

Should I tell my brother the reason why I haven't been in touch or would it give his wife too much satisfaction? He's a nice enough bloke, if a bit gutless, and my counsellor has tentatively suggested that perhaps he's unknowingly 'chosen' an abuser as his wife because we both have an abusive mother. She did appear to wear the trousers and was a stroppy thing. Has she succeeded in cutting him off from me?

Any advice?

Nothing happened. They seemed happy that we were getting married and we visited a few weeks prior to the wedding. dh had mended a computer for my brother and we went over to drop it off. Had a cuppa and some biscuits, chatted with their kids and then brother offered to look after ds1 whilst we got married and stayed at the hotel. I initially said it was okay and we had a babysitter, but he insisted, so I agreed.

His wife seemed irritable and not that pleasant during that visit, but we just put it down to tiredness or something because there'd been no arguments or anything funny going on. We were polite and cheerful and chatty.

The next time we see them she's being nasty and shouty and he's just letting her.

They have no reason to be annoyed with me or dh. I've always been fine with them, bought their kids presents, sent cards, visited etc. I'm quite amiable and polite and don't go around falling out with people. I'm not bitchy or backstabbing.

I don't know what was wrong with her.

Why didn't you ask what was wrong with her?!

Getting depressed and cutting them off for 8 years is a very strong and unusual reaction, if there isn't more to it IMO

I was too embarrassed to ask and a bit intimidated tbh.

There isn't any more to it, honestly. I do tend to bolt if someone upsets me. I can't handle nastiness after being abused in care and bullied all through secondary school. I also find dealing with other women difficult as my mother was a total bitch and abused me as well. I'd let anyone walk all over me a few years ago. That's all there is. I react unusually I admit, but it's my coping mechanism. I'm working on it with the psych.

Ok, I have just read your other thread about your brother which gives a lot more of your family background

In light of that- not such an over reaction at all. I apologise

It's okay

I do have a weird family. I just live in hope.