Would it be unreasonable for me to ask him to go home for a week so I can decide what I want?

[WineWasMothersMilk]

Before I met my dp I was involved with a man who lives in London (I'm in Yorkshire), we couldn't be together because neither of us could/would move away from our families.

The guy in London absolutely takes my breath away. We bring out the best in each other and made a great team. I trust him completely and can be myself with him. I have a lot of respect for him and his work ethic. He's very kind and a true gent. I ruined it by getting together with my DP. I got with him in a moment of weakness because I liked having somebody here all the time, being 'normal', and he did treat me really well in those days.

I've been with DP 2 years now and he gets on amazingly with my family. He doesn't work, claims to be looking for work but never does but goes on about "When we've got money.." He's got a good heart and means well, but even after all this time I can't be myself with him and he's very controlling and distrusting (goes through my bags, drawers, phone & computer). & I sometimes feel he's staying with me so he doesn't have to go back to his family (he couldn't afford to live alone). He's known I'm not really happy for about a year now and just asks me to tell him how to change to make me happy when it comes up.

Me and the guy in Ldn agreed to lose contact when he got a partner as well, but got back in contact recently (he's been single for about 6 months now). I honestly hadn't realized how much I missed him and what a big part of me he is. I feel like I've wasted time with my DP. He's made it clear he still loves me and I don't think I ever fell out of love with him either.

Realistically, I know we still wouldn't move to be bother because of our families, and I couldn't afford to travel that often anymore. I also know that even though I don't love my DP as much as I once did, I don't think I could cope alone. My parents are very ill and I need the extra support.

I know I'm a terrible, shit person for it staying because of this. I don't know what I want. Would it be U for me to ask him to go back home for a week or so, so I can try to figure this out?

The ldn guy wasn't so special before was he? As you couldn't or wouldn't move for each other.

He probably seems great now because you are stuck with an abusive, time wasting tosser.

How about novel idea? Dump the tosser that is sponging and controlling. Then spend some time on YOUR OWN. Building yourself up.

You don't have to have a man you know.

If you are not happy with your current partner, yes ask him to go home and stop the relationship/change your locks if you decide to go that route.

Don't worry about your next relationship, be it with London man or some other man, it is far too early to start looking for future problems.

Your current problem is living with an controlling man, whom you don't like and does not contribute financially to your relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide but you are not a shite person.

What bubble said!!

What the others said!

End your relationship with your DP, London guy looks so good right now because he looks like an exit route. You need to realise you don't need an exit route, you can just end your relationship.

You say he's controlling, but supportive, do you think you could possibly cope without the support if you didn't have to deal with the other stress he brings.

You can be alone.

I agree with the others. Good luck with that, tho, as I've been asking DH to move out since July so we can have some time apart to decide if there's any future in our marriage. He's still here.

You have to force it, physically do it for him. All the time he is still there, is time he's actually thinking 'nah, she doesn't mean it, otherwise she would have actually DONE something to get me to go'

One of the great things about becoming single after living with a lazy/controlling partner is that life is actually easier once you've got rid of them. Far from being unable to cope along, you will find that you cope better than ever once he's gone. Not least because you won't be wasting so much mental energy being unhappy and second-guessing his reactions to everything.