REALLY cross with FIL

[WethreelittlebabiesOfOrientAre]

We don't have an easy relationship anyway, largely because of his strange behaviour, but tonight he rings at half past midnight to wish us a happy new year.We have a 3 yr old ds and a 16 week old dd. ds woke upset when the fireworks started and was only just going back to sleep.dd didnt wake, but that's not the point
Why is this buffoon ringing us at this hour when we will be seeing him (lovely!) in 12 hours anyway? Why is he wishing us a happy new year when we don't celebrate it and haven't for the last 4 years as our eldest ds was stillborn Jan 2nd? Why did he send us both a text message at 11.30am(!) New Years Eve wishing us the same,then still ring?
I realise this is a little thing, but it's been one thing after another for the last 4 years and anything he does now tends to wind me up. Honestly I could write a book.
As am alone with dh and obviously unable to vent to anyone just needed to have a moan! Also these little things he does just serve to remind me that I am stuck with him (FIL). Now have to spend New Years' Day with him pretending nothing happened, cook roast and generally wait on him.

Oh dear, I don't know the history of your relationship but maybe you shouldn't take it to heart too much. I remember being outraged when someone phoned at 11pm when ds1 was a baby and I had just got both of us to sleep - what was he thinking about phoning at that time of night? Now ds2 is a teenager (and doing it in style) I am waiting up for him (though of course he says I needn't) and wishing someone would phone so that I could pretend I still have a life. Maybe it was meant well. Sorry if that is a platitude. Happy New Year anyway Orient.

Thanks for the reply twotone. To be honest my mum really gets on at me about my attitude to FIL but sometimes even she can see my point, as I am sure she will when I tell her about this latest! Don't want to bore you with details but there's so much more to his weirdness. Have had a laugh with dh about it (I ranted he laughed). Good thing is dh is getting much less defensive lately when I mention incidents like these, used to be I couldnt mention ANYTHING and so didn't. The fact that I can now means he knows I have a point! lol
Anyway off to bed for when ds and dd wake me up, can't blame FIL for me being up at this hour can I?!!!

Oh and Happy New Year to you too TTT!

well, it sounds like the sort of cluelessness you get from people who've either never had children or can't remember what it's like - my SIL asked me yesterday whether we were going to wake the children (a 6 yr old and two toddlers) up at midnight (we live in the middle of the countryside, it's not like there's anything to actually see at midnight). Seemed like a breathtakingly idiotic question to me but obviously not to her.
'Buffoon' does seem to sum up our FIL quite nicely.

I don't see that this was SO terrible,thoughtless, yes but surely he did it to genuinely wish you a happy new year, not to wind you up? I think you're over reacting tbh.

If it's a series of little annoying incidents have you considered that perhaps he is having problems e.g. some kind of dementia? It's sometimes not possible to realise what's going on until someone gets a long way down the track and completely loses it.

Can sympathise with the phone call, before MIL lost the plot she would only call us at 10.30pm for a chat. Always woke up kids and of course called at midnight on NYE. Does drive you nuts!

Thanks for the replies and for "listening".

geekgrrl I think you hit the nail on the head, he can't remember what it's like. DH's mum died before we had children, and I know EVERYTHING would be different if she was here. Buffoon is my word of choice for him because I know nothing he does is intended to upset me, he just has a knack for it

ssd thanks for sympathising, I am sure some people would wonder why I was upset.

SueW interesting point. I don't think so, but you never know. Something to keep an eye on maybe.

WWW I can see why it looks like I overreacted, and perhaps I did about this incident. I think I have just had so much now that each new incident makes me more mad. You're absolutely right, it is thoughlessness. Some of it I can cope with, and believe it or not I am very good at admitting when I am wrong where he is concerned. But he did this last NYE, got exactly the same reaction and still did it this year AND we didn't have a newborn dd then. I won't start detailing what else he has done on this thread because I wouldn't know when to stop! But I'm glad I did post because it gave me chance to rant and not argue with dh about it.

Thanks all for taking the trouble to reply. This isn't a good time for me and his thoughtlessness just made it worse somehow.