Being single is fine BUT I can't bear not having any sex at all

[FannyNil]

Serious post. Vibrators are OK but not a substitute for real sex. I cope but am finding it increasingly difficult. I wish I liked being celibate but I don't. I need to have sex and, now in my late 50s despite still taking a pride in my appearance, pursuing interests, with an interesting job etc realise that I am invisible to men. I am incredibly upset by the thought that I might never have sex again. Any kindred spirits out there?

Yes. I think now I am old I would have a longer probationery (sp) period.

OP, I was in the same boat. I had been single for so long, i thought I'd forgotten how to have sex and the frustration was all consuming. I've met quite a few nice blokes on PoF who I have only been interested in having a physical relationship. Have a couple of regulars now. (Actually, been through a very promiscuous few months which would crack people up if they knew what I'd been up to.) You do get quite a few marrieds on there and I really didn't want to become a mistress. So finally, I have found two single guys that like their freedom. Both a bit younger than me. It works quite well as I really haven't got time for a proper relationship at the moment. They are both very different. One is a player who's very sexy and one shy man who is a real sweetie so I get a bit of emotional fulfillment as well as the physical. But there again, so do they! Good luck!

Its hard at first, but you get conditioned to not having sex, and any feelings you do have eventually go. Ive had sex five times in five years and not for 20 months. It really does get easier.

Ohgawd... that's exactly what my aim is, to get a couple of regulars that I could meet once in a while and have fun with. How long did it take you? I've been on POF for a couple of months now and haven't met anyone I want to take things further with so far. I mean, I need to at least fancy a bloke a little bit to want to have sex with him... I've also had a couple of no-shows, where we arrange to meet and the guy doesn't turn up, or goes AWOL at the last minute. What's that all about then?

I've joined a couple of other sites as well in the past couple of weeks but nothing much to report yet!

Fabby, that is quite sad, I hope you don't resign yourself to a life without sex.

Would love to hear how everyone gets on...its probably a bit soon for me to be Out There, as AH only left a couple of weeks ago. Can see a point in the future where it would be nice to be Appreciated, but will not be bringing anyone home cos of teenage dd, and not feasible to stay out all night.

mammya, if you'll pardon the pun, I just took the bull by the horns and decided to meet up with someone without meeting before hand for the purposes of an intimate encounter. I'm a pragmatic girl and just decided that my initial problem was that if I met someone I liked, I wouldn't be able to take that next step and have sex because of the length of time I had been celibate - I did originally think I wanted a "normal" relationship. I get to know them by phone and the first one took me weeks to agree to meet. Actually, I've always taken weeks of flirting, chatting and "testing" to meet up. I always take responsibility for the location (hotel) for the first meet so that I am comfortable and feel safe. Can't invite them home anyway as my elderly mother lives here. Also, I look away from home - different counties! Having done it a few times, I realised that it wasn't a relationship I was after but just a dedicated person with whom I could have a satisfying, physical relationship. I've had to be pretty full on and flirty and so far, I haven't had any no shows. It's taken me quite a few meets to get to this stage and some people may question my morals but I'm entirely single and I take reasonable steps to assure myself that they are too. My player attractive man asked me not to see anyone else and he wouldn't either but that sent me into a tail spin as it felt more like the start of a relationship. Additionally, I knew it was a one sided offer. I told him I wouldn't see him anymore and it took a week for him to contact me and admit we both missed each other, sexually only of course! At middle age, I have become far more adventurous and got involved in a few kinky bits and bobs that I wouldn't have done before. My sexual confidence is at an all time high. Mr. Player is a bit kinky and we have a lot of fun and it is sex only with a bit of friendship and family chat but Mr. Nice is absolutely vanilla focussed and our meetings are more like dates with dinner and chatting and close, romantic sex. I think I have found the best of both worlds and its only writing this that I'm thinking how lucky I am. I guess the only potential difficulty is that they don't know about each other. The question just hasn't arisen but Mr Nice is getting more romantic (which I'm enjoying) so I don't know whether I will end up doing exactly what I said I didn't want - get into a traditional relationship. But then, I'd have to give up Mr Player and he is such a sexy, fantastic lover..........

oh gawd

Havent had sex for 2 years since xh left and am starting to feel it now

Never been able to separate sex and emotion so cant do NSA but dont want a relationship

Think I will join Fabbys team

I suppose eventually I will be driven to internet or similar in desperation , I do think it would be good for me to break the drought and have sex with someone after xh iyswim. Sighs

Gettingeasier and Fabby, I didn't have sex for over 8 years! Just one fumbling snog in 8 years! I threw myself into work and socialising but I can honestly say that the longing for a physical connection never went away and last year (not sure whether it was my pre menapausal hormones kicking in) but that longing got much worse. It's not climaxing that I missed because we can all sort that out ourselves and possibly better than a new man could but being physcially comforted. Skin on skin closeness. It all sounds a bit primal and maybe it is. It is also lovely for me to be able to satisfy them as I never did think that my ex appreciated that side of our relationship due to some difficulties he had, which he convinced me were down to me!

Ohgawd sounds great...how did you get them? Online? How did you interview out the idiots patently unsuitable ones...

@ gettingeasier
separating sex and emotion can be done with practise (I find) I've learned to keep a lid on my feelings and rationalise them, recognise that I'm under a bit of a sex induced spell, which will wear off

Parsley - PoF. I weeded them out before meeting them by checking the standard of their english in written form and then when chatting on the phone. If I didn't feel like I would like to sit next to them at a dinner party, or they were devoid of humour, I took things no further. Any that just went straight on to sex chat and sending pictures of their willy's, I also discarded. (Never knew they came in such a range of forms!) It's fair to say that I have had encounters with people that I dont want to see again but these experiences haved ridded my of sticking to a certain "type". I have always gone for tall, blonde and blue eyed vikings - usually far younger than I should. This way, I've been with one or two older men who I have found to be surprisingly experienced and sensual - never thought I would like to have sex with an older bloke! I was nervous the first couple of times but that soon wore off. Unfortunately, there have also been one or two that just were interested in their own pleasure but I find that most want to prove to you how wonderful they are in bed so are well prepared to go to great lengths to please you! I'm not on PoF anymore as I'm gonna stick with what I have at this moment. Just see where we go from here. Oh, also, I didn't post a flirty profile. I just stated that I was professional lady, with limited time and not interested in long term, or involved people, and the emails came flooding in. I also did not post a picture but sent one on to those I felt I could trust. Good luck and take care of your personal safety and sexual health. I understand that there is a growing number of attendees at the GU clinics of people that are middle aged so there is a bit of a grey sexual revolution going on......

Thanks for that...condoms in the bag it is then. Bit early for me yet, but would like to be back in the saddle before I am too old sometime.

ohgawd, I'm wondering if (having weeded out the unsuitable ones) you generally went ahead with sex on the first meeting, or did you meet them first for a chat?

I have in the past jumped straight in on first meeting, but these days I find it makes me feel a bit nervous and even if the bloke is very attractive I need to go away and think about it.

I hate to admit it but generally I did. The purpose of the meeting was to have sex - intimate encounter. I did my thinking after the deed was done and often only a day or two later would I have had time to reflect on what I felt about the person. I've had dates without sex where I had a great time and thought I would like to see them again, only to be finding reasons days later for not arranging the next date. Of course, I've liked people that have not wanted to pursue things with me also. Another benefit of this process is that I have understood that choice goes both ways and attraction is a very individual thing. I stayed single for so long because I couldn't face heartache and now I know I can deal with a rejection or two!

ohgawd, I didnt mean that there was anything wrong with sex on first meeting!
it's just that most of the men I meet (for a brief chat) I dont fancy at all, even though they looked fine in photo's and seemed intelligent via phone & e-mail.
Generally I find it very difficult to get men to provide good photo's of themselves.
Sometimes they are better than the photo's mostly they are worse.
I put quite alot of effort into taking clear, realistic (but flattering) pictures for any internet profiles that I use.
Men hardly ever seem to do this, often they put hideous or tiny blurry pictures up as if proving that they are humanoid will do the trick

ohgawd 8 years , feel better hearing that

itsall yes but I dont want sex with them unless I like them thats the problem

saying that and mulling it over today I have no idea any more what I am like as I am beyond recognition from the person 20 years ago which is when I fell for xh been nobody since.

also think fucking hell last time I was single properly computers barely even bloody existed so no emails texts skypes websites or the other myriad of ways of "dating"

as for the technology that allows cock shots wtf - help me out do women send shots of their privates ?

It's alright, Itsall, I didn't take that meaning from your question at all.

I know about the photo thing but in turn, I've been accused of sending one that was years out of date. Cheeky bugger said, "Oh, how long ago was your picture taken? I thought you were younger!" The picture was 3 months old for goodness sake and I was actually less weight and thought I looked better!

Gettingeasier - I send one facial picture and would not send pictures of my nether regions or my boobs. I'm getting on and my boobs have long since drooped south and as for my nether regions, two much surgery and two babies - no way! I'm sure other women do send this type of picture but it's not for me. (Petrified I'd attach it to my entire address book and send it to all my family, friends and colleagues.......)

One more thing Gettingeasier and anyone else worried about getting back in the saddle, you're all godesses and they are bloody lucky to have a shot at a physical liaison with you.

Say it to yourselves like a mantra..... I am a godess and they are lucky to know me, I am a godess and they are lucky to know me, I am a godess and they are lucky to know me,I am a godess and they are lucky to know me, I am a godess and they are lucky to know me.......

I don't find it gets easier...... more difficult to be honest.
Reaching a point where I am questioning my own previous principles to meet a need that is raw and aching much of the time.

I don't want an emotional attachment, that part of me is under lock and key and I seem more able to switch off my emotional needs than my physical ones.
It makes me want to weep.
I have never really had 'casual' sex or been with someone just for it's sake so would be going into completely new territory but however long it's been, I can't bear the thought of it being indefinite.....

Mittzy, it's bound to feel a bit tricky at first if 'casual' is new territory for you, but you'll soon learn to negotiate it and take it in your stride (if thats the route you decide to take)
I'm one of the most shy, awkward, hard to talk to people you can imagine, so if I can cope anyone can