Weave issue

[ashashash]

hi.. Ok.. I am a light skinned black woman who has always had issues with her hair. From my complextion you would assume i would have managable hair but i dont. It doesnt grow, and its always looked rubbish. So i add a big lod afro hair piece and it looks so nice and natural! It works very well and as i live alone i dont really mind that i have to take it off at night.
However my problem is this. I have just met a guy and, becase my hair looks so real, im pretty confident he thinks its real. Im so scared about showing him my real hair. I feel like iv been falsly advertising myself. He keeps going on about how beautiful i am.. but without my hair piece, i look completely diffrent! Hes staying over tomorrow and im really dreding the embarrassment. I think i may sleep in the hair piece tomorrow but then this just prolongs the lie!. what if he doesnt fancy me? how should i deal with this? tell him before i take it off? wake up early and put it on? All black woman who have great weaves im sure must know where im coming from! Any advice??

Tell him. The first time I saw DW without her weave, and after she'd washed her natural hair I was like, WOW!.

But definitely tell him first.

lol wow in a good way? or not so good?

Hey. Think you should bite the bullet and when he turns up and have your hair without the weave. Still do it nice - with a hairband, clips, etc but have it natural. Then he can ask what's different if he notices/truly has no idea. Also, if he doesn't fancy you because of your hair being different you're probably on a hiding to nothing good anyway. Good luck.

She's the first black woman I've been with so it was just WOW

But yeah, if he goes off you because of he doesn't like your hair, then he's not worth hanging onto anyway.

I know how you feel (I really do) however, I would simply be honest. There truly is more to life than your hair although as someone with Afro hair, I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes (it can really dominate your life!).

If you don't tell him, you won't relax and enjoy his company + you will simply prolong it and in my opinion, make things worse.

thank you for you reply! - enuffalready - Haha i jst dont have the balls to do that!! the idea feels me with dread! lol. Haha.. maybe a glass of wine first..
Technoviking - did ur girlfriend ever mention before that she was wearing a weave? did she gradually introduce u or was it just wham! lol

You could get a completely different weave. If he mentions your new 'hairdo' just casually mention that you change your hairstyle all the time . My DH has become accustomed to my ever-changing hairstyles.

I recall my hairdresser telling me that the first time her then DP touched/stroked her head, he thought she had some dreadful disease!. He had touched her weave and had clearly felt the stitching/weave cap and assumed her scalp was covered in something awful.

i agree have a glass of wine and answer the door without it on, it's you he's with not your hair, and as women change their hair all the time, tell him you fancied a change ... if he's a typical bloke probably won't even notice you've changed it ! i once went a totally different colour and style and it took 3 days for him to twig on something was different !

I haven't got afro hair and so there may be an obvious answer, but... other than expense, time it takes... if you lack confidence so much in this respect, why do you not go for a semi permanent weave instead of hair pieces. Just until you feel confident enough that the man loves you for you and not just your hair! My friend with afro hair says that she just mixes it up, weave when she can be bothered or hair piece or wig.

Is he black or white?

If he's black then Im sure he'll have seen his sister or mum au naturel?!

I think you should casually drop it into conversation beforehand, just mention some weave related issue and let him pick up on it.

What type do you have? is it the sort that would move during sex activity?

*assuming that his sister or mum have worn a weave.

Haha!! That is so funny BerylsSausagePlait!! Men have no idea!!
Thanks Ronx.. do u know what! Im gonna just have the confident attitute like 'god didnt u know i wore weaves?? everyone wears weaves!'... Lolol i think if i just act like he always knew and if I act shocked that he doesnt know about it. then the balls in my court!! time to woman up!! lol

yeah actually thats a great point! I think hes sister wears a weave! I think the issue is is that mine isnt an obvious weave. Its a curly pony tail (A little beyonce like). and because im light skinned i think he thinks itss mine. Pony tail might fall off during...! Oh no! what will i do?? i didnt think of that! what should i do??

Mention your weave in conversation, then go into it more with him.

I didn't know what a weave was. I had an inkling though, as my bathroom went from having one bottle of head & shoulders to having enough kit to start a salon!

He probably likes and fancies you for far more than just your hair.
You could just do it as a throw-away comment "It'll be great to spend the night together...will give us a chance to get to know each other and chill out a bit, and I can leave my weave off!". Say it with a big smile - be confident, love yourself, and try not to focus on how you may or not look and just go for it.
Chances are it will be a non-issue for him.
And remember......he may well have his own minor insecurities about things to do with himself.....in fact, he is bound to.
Have a fabulous night!

awww thank Selks! I know ur right! its seems so silly but to me its a huge deal! i need to get over it dont i!

Just gotta basically go for it, hun!

OP: you must post back and let us know how it went xx
PS: it's about what's in your head, not what's on your head.

helloo! Well i didnt say anything! haha.. However I did show him lots of different photos of me.. It was clear I wore a weave! But i did sleep in myhair piece! lol.. One step at a time i guess! lolxx

OMG this thread has made me realise that if I meet someone new, I'll have a false teeth issue!!

Clever idea re the photos! I bet he's got the idea now. Nicely done!

Nose -

My hairdresser and all the women in the salon say that the golden rule is never touch the weave. I have to say mine has been approached, and oddly no one familiar with it has ever mentioned it. They would, of course die if they did say anything

Sounds like me 16 years ago when I did not want my DH (boyfriend then) to see me without make up! I look very different.
He still married me. ;)