I feel like I'm falling out of love with DH

[Birdsnotbees]

DH hates his job (he has always hated any job he's had since I've known him). He doesn't socialise - has one friend and his brother who he sees about once a month. He 'hates people' and finds them stressful.

He dislikes his mother and his father is dead. He says he didn't care when his dad died - his dad was emotionally abusive - and I believe him. But this whole thing about not socialising stems from his family and tbh I'm not sure I can cope with it anymore.

We don't do anything. If I don't organise everything then we would never see anyone, friends or family. He often obstructs me organising things - doesn't like having people over, won't let me have a party in case it 'ruins the house', moans to the point of ruining our plans when I have arranged to see people.

I have spent the past year helping our DS (4) make friends, become less shy, building his confidence and I think it is vital that we have a happy, sociable life with a variety of people in it in order to raise 2 happy children. It is no coincidence that our DS is shy; it is partly genetic and partly nurture. Being shy is not a bad thing but being unsociable is - and I worry that DS and DD (8 mo) will grow up thinking other people are 'bad' and will struggle like their dad.

I also find socialising difficult but I really work hard at it and over the years it has become easier and I have some lovely friends who enrich my life. I just miss being with a partner who enjoys other people, who finds it easy. I'm sick of it all being down to me when sometimes I find it hard too and would like someone to make the effort instead.

It is getting to the point where I don't really want to be with him. He is so miserable. Everything is a negative. I want him to be the fun person I remember not this miserable old git with no friends and such an insular outlook.

The thing is, he can be wonderful. He is thoughtful, supportive, great with the kids, puts us first, is funny - but it feels like I'm losing him and he's getting worse and worse. I know it's partly that having 2 kids is so knackering but I feel like I'm falling out of love. We're sleeping in separate rooms due to the baby not sleeping (we take it in turns being in with her) but if truth be told I don't actually want to share a bed with him.

Thanks for reading if you got this far - I don't know what to do. Any advice out there?

I know this gets trotted out a lot but if he used to be more outgoing etc then he could be depressed?
I'd suggest marriage counselling to him. Say you can't go on this way and he must get help with his issues

i have suggested counselling but he refuses. He also had therapy for a while a few years back (I made him go) but he didn't like his counsellor and stopped going - I don't think it was about the counsellor, tbh, more the fact that he doesn't want to deal with what is making him unhappy. He just blocks me every time I try and tackle this, and I have tried over the past 8 years but he gets a bit better for a while then reverts back.

I think he's particularly bad now as we're both exhausted but... I don't have the energy anymore to keep on pushing.

Oh this is a tough one and I really feel for your situation. Wouldn't it be nice if people let us in to help them. I lived with parents with mental health difficulties and so can totally understand how frustrating it can be when someone obviously needs support and how helpless you can sometimes feel in the meantime. Thing is; its is his choice whether he wants to become happier or not. And its a big choice - it often gets a lot worse before it gets better. Life can chug along on a 'survivalist' level quite easily. I trust you when you say that he has endearing qualities. I think it eventually becomes a question of if you are willing to put things on hold until he is ready to change. Also bear in mind - he may never. How much do your own happiness also mean? Good Luck and I hope you find the right solution for you.