New relationship worries - am I being a dick?

[PintandChips]

I have been seeing a guy from work for a couple of months now, pretty intense, I am single parent of 1ds, he is dad to 3 dcs... It's all completely brilliant and we get on amazingly (he has even said he thinks he is in love with me) BUT he is 30, I am 40. He spends a lot of time with his ex at her house, sleeps over in her bed, and until we started seeing each other they were still sometimes having sex, though I am pretty sure that has stopped. The thing is, he emails and texts me incessantly usually but this weekend, not one peep. He is at her house. before we started seeing each other we were mates for ages and I know he was hoping to eventually get back with her. but I don't think that is her plan.
I am shit scared of getting hurt but I don't know how best to deal with it. He is the most lovely guy who would never lie or be unfaithful. The other issue (deep breath) is that he drinks like an alcoholic. I grew up with that, i won't put up with it now. He knows it's an issue for me. I think it was a major cause of their break up also.
Am I just being a complete dick? Should I just run for the hills?
I am a bit in love. Like a stupid teenager.

he drinks like an alcoholic. I grew up with that, i won't put up with it now

If you won't put up with it now, then you have to end this. The alternative is you trying to change him - and we know how well that goes.

I know it's MN law to automatically say 'leave the bastard' but lots of people have complications because the person they are involved with are worth it. At least you need to have an honest discussion with him and find out what's going on with the ex. It's pain now or pain later - so don't put that off and demand total honesty. I've been in love with two people before and it's bloody difficult to make a decision sometimes, but ultimately very unfair to all unless you do - sounds like he might be in that boat. You gotta be brave! Good luck.

Pintanchips

Run for the hills. There are far too many red flags here for this to actually become a healthy functional relationship.

Would suggest you also read "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood along with that codependency book you've got lying around.

PintandChips - please believe you are worth much more than this. You deserve a relationship with someone who definitely doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, who thinks you are incredible, who is responsible and wants to do the right thing to make sure you are happy and well.

No doubts about it.