For the Clued Up in Oz please help...

[DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer]

I am posting on behalf of a friend (yes really!) and want to be able to offer her some avenues of advice and practical support but, as she is in Oz and I'm in the UK, I don't have details of local practical support for her.

I have asked before posting, and tried to remove anything identifiable; but I am sorry this will be long!

Background:-

She has been with her DP for a number of years (double figures). They emrigrated to Oz together many years ago and they have 2 young dc.

She found out earlier this year that her D? P was having an affair via his mobile (she was suspcious as he always kept a separate phone away from the house). It is not the first time he has had an affair at the start of their relationship he left her then came back. During that time he did assault her (held her around the neck ) on one occasion. She has held onto the information about the affair for many months as she felt she could not rock the boat prior to travelling back home (she was afraid he would not 'allow' her home).

I see evidence of financial and emotional abuse within the relationship although I'm not sure how much she would agree with me. He maintains all the money (has to be present if she goes shopping for groceries etc.) The only money she has directly is the Oz equivalent of child ben. She used this to pay for flights home. He has socially isolated her offending local friends and wanting to know when people have been, making her reluctant to invite friends over. Passing comments about them and her family (her family are not interested in her shes' "out of sight out of mind" (not true I know her sister VERY well)). She is walking on eggshells around him.

Basically she has come to the conclusion that the relationship is unsalvagable, he is in constant contact with the OW (phone records) and appeared to go on holiday with her (although she can not prove this).

She is getting ready to have the conversation with him about the end of their relationship but is obviously concerned how he will react given past history. I have recommended giving the local police a call given his previous assault and more recent threats that he would never let her have the dc.

Please do you have any local knowledge advice for support networks for her to tap into to help her through this. I know Oz is a Big (Huge) place she is in WA.

Are they planning on going back to the UK? Are the dc at school? There is a councillor at our primary school we can go to for family problems. I live in Victoria and one of my best friends works for the family violence unit so I know there is one here. She does 'intervention orders' which are enforceable by the police. I am seeing her today if you want me to ask her anything. This is a different state though.

My only other knowledge comes from an English friend who was here and was going to leave her husband. She was having an affair so it's a bit different. She went to a solicitor and found out that she would get the dc 50% of the time and him 50% but that he would lose his right to be here as he was here on her visa. So she waited until he was a resident, then she left him.

She knows she has to go home otherwise she could be charged with abduction.

DC are too young for school. I really wanted some ideas of support units, like an equivelent of Women's Aid / refuge or counseling services if there is one. I think she may need support after she has told him and however many emails I send it's just not the same as talking to someone.

Also having no idea of the legal issues (they are not married) or even advice on good legal advice for spilting their assets and access (she does want to return to the uk eventually once things are sorted). I feel so helpless and want to help but don't know how anything works iyswim.

If she did phone the local police before she told him work they be likely to prioritise her call should the worst happen? Or am I giving her crap advice?

Thanks for the reply

I can only speak for over here and I dont know if the local police over there think the same but the police in the uk would look at you as if you had horns if you went to them with something like that. This is only MO, so please correct me someone if I am wrong.

The police thing i recomended as on other threads I'd seen it recomended where the partner had been violent before (he had his hands around her neck up against a wall in the past (pre dc)). I believe a flag can be added to their address on the system if a call came in they have prior knowledge. But this was for women in the uk so I was sure how it would be construed in over there.

She would have same rights as a married partner in terms of assets. I think after living together for a few years you qualify as a legal couple.
Can't help with anything else, can you goggle?

Legal Aid

I'm in Sydney, have done a quick google for "women's refuges" in WA & found this no 08 9420 7264. (Women's Aid equivalent with access to shelter/support/legal advice etc.) As Australia is her & her childrens' "habitual residence", she will not be able to return to the UK with her kids without her partner's consent. My understanding is that parental responsibility is split 50/50 here but given there is a history of DV, might not be the case. Good luck to your friend.

Salvos

WA: Crisis Care
(08) 9223 1111 (or1800 199 008)

WA: Women's Domestic Violence Helpline
(08) 9223 1188 (or1800 007 339)

lifeline would also direct you to the right place. 13 11 14 24hours from a landline for free.

Thank you so much. I will get googling (I didn't know where to start before.

I think her partner will be very difficult with regard to allowing her and the dc's to return but she will need to face that once she is out of the relationship.