I feel like hes just not into me atall...

[movingonwardsorsidewards]

I have been seeing a guy for nearly a year. Very on and off at the start (I had just come out of a bad relationship and was not ready for commitment).

We have been much more involved in the past few months. But he works very long hours and we do not see each other much. Also he has not met my dd, so he cannot stay over or anything.

Also we have never met each others friends. Up until recently I was fine with how things were with us. But I have started to feel like I have much stronger feelings for him now. And feel like I need more from him.

I stayed over at his place last night and had an argument this morning, I then walked out and he hasnt called me or anything. I really dont want to speak to him again but at the same time feel upset about it...

I just feel like he is not that into me and doesn't pay me much attention or even bother to see me much and we dont have alot of sex either. So I really dont know what he wants from me, its not like he is even using me for sex. And he always emplys that he does really like me and is interested in me. But I really dont feel like he treats me how you would treat someone you really like...

Sorry I know that I am rambelling but I just feel very confused. Anyway I know he is not riht for me. I just need to get over it now....

Trust your gut instinct - it's usually right

Have you talked to him about how you feel? It seems a shame to walk away without having that discussion - if you feel more strongly about him, and he implies he does really like you, then you have nothing to lose by sitting down and asking where he sees this going, and spelling out what your expectations of his behaviour etc are.

That said, if he's treating you badly far better to quit while you're ahead.

Completely trust your instincts and also judge him by his deeds not his words. You don't feel as if he cares and at this early stage it won't get better. Yes there maybe valid reasons why he can't see you (working long hours) BUT you would feel card about.

My previous relationship was similar and I finally found the courage to end it - although I really did adore him..I spent time being single and then met DH who moved heaven on earth to spend time with him..even if that meant fitting time in, driving long hours to spend little time with me. You know when it isn't right - just move on..Mr Right could be out there waiting for you to come free!!

I had tried to ask him recently what exactly does he feel is going on with us and said I often feel like I dont know where I stand with him. He said he would rather speak to me in person instead of on the phone about it. But there is no reason for me to feel like I dont know where I stand and that we are 'fine'.

So we had this conversation on thursday and he said he would come and speak to me about it on sunday and discuss our next stage . I felt like if it was that important to him he would have come on Friday to talk about this with me, as it was important to me.

When I met up with yesterday we were out together, so didnt want to ruin the night by discusing it then. But this morning when I woke up, I just felt like he doesnt give me enough attention and is selfish.

Then I went to his bathroom and saw womens hair on his bathroom floor, and accused him of having another women in his house and sleeping with them. So I guess now he will think I'm crazy anyway. But I think I am more bothered about the way I feel that he is treating me rather then the fact that there was womens hair on his bathroom floor.

smum - I guess the reason I feel confused is because I do feel that he cares about me, but I just feel that he is very selfish and puts everything before me, like work (completely understandable), gym all his needs. He has alot of goals and things he wants to achieve which is good, but I feel like I cant be in a committed relationship with someone that I only see once every week and a half, or once a week at the most. I feel like I'm having a phone relationship

he's just not that into you

which was fine when you were not that into him

you want more now

so cut him loose, and find someone who wants the same as you

anyfucker - i think you are right.

But my main problem is that in the last year that we have been seeing each other he always make it clear that he wanted a relationship with me even when i told him i didnt. so thats why i feel confused about it.

I just dont get why he would want to make me believe he wants a relationship when he clearly seems like he doesnt

He's not that into you. And there is nothing you can do that will make him become more into you. So move on, for your own sake and for his.

It doesn't matter what he said before, or why he acts in a way that confuses you.
He isn't interested. Get out now. Cut your losses

so..you have been pretending something that you didn't feel

and then you feel a bit miffed because he took you at your word ?

oh dear

why won't people just be honest

it saves a lot of this utter bollocks, really

It sounds like a good time for an honest talk with him about what you think you've been doing if you HAVE been misleading him about your feelings and to ask him to be the same about his feelings.

If that were me, I'd make it as easy as possible for him to be open - eg I'd say that I understood if the reason he wasn't committing seeing me much was because it wasn't quite right for him etc.

I think sometimes men just can't bear to be truthful about their feelings, which is a right waste of time. If he vagues around still I'd end it. A year isn't the end of the world but I personally wouldn't want to mess around much longer.

I've been in a few dodgy situations before being with the right man, and I have to say, I now believe that a relationship with Mr/Ms Right rarely starts like this. I think you might both have pulled your socks up earlier and made more effort if it was the right thing for you. Don't mean that badly and it is just my experience!

I have been honest with him, when it started i didnt want a relationship, he kept telling me all along that he wanted a relationship with me. The longer we have been seeing each other I started to develope more feelings for him, which I have been trying to tell him about. We talk every single day and over time my feelings have changed so i have not been misleading him or pretending I didnt want a relationship. But when you talk to someone every day and they imply they want a relationship then feelings can change.

Well, it's possible that he's got bored with you 'not wanting a relationship' and therefore no longer wants one with you. Or perhaps his idea of a relationship is you being available to him when he's got a bit of spare time, and not necessarily anything that involves much effort on his part.
He's not necessarily a bad person (though he may be a manipulative prick who likes to make women fall for him just so he can dump them or muck them about). It just doesn't sound like you and him are suited.

I agree solid, we are not suited, and i think i already knew this. I defintly think his idea of a relationship is different to mine, and he expects things on his terms and to suit him.

I once went out with a guy in similar circumstances, at the start I was a bit messed up from a previous man and didn't want a relationship but he chased me relentlessly for ages and to be fair I did let him.

When I relented and was actually ready to see him in some normal way, he totally flaked out on me - I think he had felt 'safe' chasing me but when it came to the possibility of a normal relationship like 'shall we go out this weekend' he became pathologically avoidant. The suggestion and timings for any date had to come from him, last minute...he just couldn't handle anything else.

Presumably if I'd been my normal self at the beginning of the relationship, then I would have noticed this earlier, but I just wasn't. I was utterly confused at the time so I really sympathise!

You obviously got into a new relationship too soon, before you were ready.
You don't sound very bothered about him tbh and that speaks volumes. I think you are ready for a relationship now, just not with him, so move on and find someone who will treat you right.

Is it just a human nature thing ? My now DH was adamant he didnt want anything heavy or want to ever live with anyone or get engaged married etc etc in the first year we were together . I thought what an arrogant coldhearted bastard respected his honesty but found myself falling for him quite heavily. I had started to look for a small house of my own with my divorce settlement but in a different area as couldnt afford where he lived. I thought I would at least then have a life for myself independently if I made the decision to get out of relationship (which I was starting to think would be only solution for my sanity). When I started viewings etc he was very helpful driving me to them / accompanying me etc (he is in building trade ) and then one day out of blue he said ' Why dont we just pool together and buy a place ?' which we eventually did and the rest is history (the clues in 'my now DH' obviously). He later admitted he suddenly realised I was walking over the horizon and made him realise he also had strong feelings for me.

I'm not into ultimatums or testing people and all that mind game stuff - as Anyfucker very eloquently (as ever) covered. I think there is too much of it about really but sometimes the issue needs to be forced by circumstances or honest conversation. Maybe put your cards on the table with him and then withdraw and leave it with him. If he doesnt come up with the goods then its probably time to move on - as others have said.

It's OK to be single. If this relationship isn't giving you what you want, bin and move on. You don't have DC or a shared house with him, don't go scrabbling after him trying to enforce a commitment just so as not to be single - move on.

have it out with him, move to the 'next stage' or move on - time is too precious to waste on someone who doesnt treat you right x

Thank you all for the messages, I really do feel it is time to move on. I still have not spoke to him since sunday morning. He hasnt even bothered to try to call me, so I'm certaintly not going to call him to have a 'end' it conversation.

But I do not feel happy to leave things without having the end it conversation. But that is how it is going to have to be. I dont feel devistated by the fact that i cannot talk to him anymore, but I do feel uneasy about the fact that we have not had an adult conversation about the situation before moving on.

I have had arguments with him before and he has left it a while before contacting me. Not sure if he feels he will do the same this time, but i feel differently and I know it is time to move on.