a storm tossed weekend at casa lola

[lolaflores]

things are very strange and dark here. i suffer from depression/mood disorder. Had a tough week, been hyperventilating since wednesday. Cycles of shortness of breath, dizzy etc. did all the calming things to no effect. Very very low by Friday, tearful all day and what have you. Husband aware all but in all honesty being indifferent.I get up with DD1 next day. he says very little, doesn't ask how i am, had some time to self, returned home still not great. He snaps and a fiendish fight breaks out, he says nasty stuff, huffs around. Day continues with short skirmishes and my total inability to stop crying and breathing worsening. Made an appointment to see emergency doctor, he doesn't even ask. It all escalates again, to the point that I am not sure what I have done wrong...he gets annoyed that I made an appointment. In the end doctors says it anxiety and so on, panicking blah blah.
Things calmed down. But horrible feeling left over. End up cutting myself quite badly last night.

Question:

1. does he find my depression too difficult to manage?
2. or is this just a shit marriage?

I'd go for 2.

neuroticmumof3 Looks that way don't it.

Oh Lola I'm not sure what to say to help you here but couldn't just read and run. I am sorry you feel so down, you really made me smile this week on my virgin vie thread and so very sad to hear you feeling so fed up.

I'm not sure if it's in any way comparable but my dh suffers from depression and it's medicated. Sometimes he has a bad day and then the following day gets up and seems better so I don't ask how he is in case I bring it all back to him and just wondering if your dh is trying to do the same thing, unsuccessfully iyswim?

I hope someone with more sense and knowledge comes along in a minute.

phil did you take your top off? Was the party a goer?

TBH, he did say that, he is never sure what to expect. I am on meds. But, I can still end up on a merry go round.

thank you for your kindness, I really appreciate it. I think my MN contributions often reflect my manic bits and not often the other side of things.

1. DP is pretty hopeless at understanding my anxiety and depression, but he wouldn't act like a cunt about it. Being unable to manage someone else's depression means getting a bit snappy and needing to be given specific tasks to "help" (make a cup of tea, give me a cuddle, run a bath etc)

Deliberately provoking an argument = making you more anxious = vindictive and nasty!

thats how if felt to be honest. I cannot believe the way he turned it round so that it was all my cunting fault.

Would your anxiety be any easier to manage if you were out of this particular situation? Mine was wrapped up with my previous career (care work) and DP commented today about how much happier I've been in the 2 days since I walked out the door of the Home I was working in for the final time.

I don't want to shout "Leave The Bastard" at all. However, if he's not supportive you might find it easier to work on your MH issues if you're not worrying about his reactions all the time...

You know what, I have self harmed! I know how it feels to be that low, in so much emotional pain that you have to resort to that.

For me it was being in an abusive relationship. The abuse was so subtle that it had me doubting myself all the time. I know better now.

So I have to say, maybe it is your marriage. Is it possible you would cope better without his 'disapproval' and lack of empathy?