Discovered H's affair one year ago today

[seachange]

his time last year I had known about H's affair for just under 24 hours. Had a long-running thread Nov till March, then another one in March when H actually left. Namechanged and asked for both of them to be deleted when I found out OW had been reading them. :(

Thank you so much to all those who replied back then, the support on here was tremendous. It was a horrific time, but would have been worse without your stories, advice and simply just being there to listen.

H left OW after 3 weeks, and rented a flat near us (me and 3 DCs). He moved back in in June. We went to counselling. We're doing ok.

Thank you

I can certainly vouch for the "not happening overnight"! I found out about my H's affair last July.
Although he never moved out (although we constantly discussed in the months following), I can honestly say that for the months of April and May this year were worse than the time leading to revelation,and it has only been since this July, yes a whole year of uncertainty, that I have felt things finally turning around.
I can actually give credit to my H for this. As a person whom I never thought would take up personal counselling, he took a huge leap to do so. And the transformation has been incredible. I did give him an ultimatum in the end, go for counselling to reveal what he really wanted, if the OW/seperation was going to be it, then I accepted but the months of 'waiting for him to change' was unbearable at times.
When I used MN for comfort and advice in the beginning, the cliche words of "it's made our marriage/relationship stronger, etc" made me wince. I'm by no means at the point of using that expression but I can see it can happen.

I was always the judgemental one who declared 'I would never forgive my H if he ever cheated on me - he'd be out the minute I found out!' - and look at what has happened in the past 15 months.

Back to what Maleview asked upthread, yes, my children were a huge reason regards not throwing him out as soon as I found out. Even though I had even prepared my DCs that it looked inevitable that Mum and Dad were going to seperate. But I was never in a position to think I would never manage without him. I just wanted to know for sure that I still wanted him, but only the H of old.

Thinking of you all, especially those who joined the 'survival thread'.

Hi Seachange

I was thinking about you the other day, we PMd a few times and were in a very similar position. Sadly I'm in a very different place to you, going through a divorce now and ex is still very much seeing the very young woman he left us for. He is starting to mess me around with money and a whole other list of woes. Not sure how a 'decent' man turns into this repulsive snake, but he did .

Anyway, I hope it all works out for you x

Sheba good to see you again! Very glad your H has seen the light and is learning to deserve you

Nice to see you too amicable, but so sorry things aren't good What a snake, as you say. Keep fighting!

To answer your Q, seachange I haven't got a set date in mind but I have made it clear that he is teetering on a cliff edge. I have had enough of him only being truly there for the good times, and withdrawing into self-pity, silence or drink when there is the slightest problem between us. These days I'm more angry than I am sad. But I'm strangely ok most of the time.

12 months from the day of finding out about ex husbands affair I was happily re married and 6 weeks pregnant!

Married to ex for 16 years, totally lost when we split. Met my DH when on a whim I joined Match.com! We were meant for each other!!! Have now been married for almost 8 years and have 2 lovely children.

That was one hell of a year!!!!

amicable I'm so sorry :( I know last time we "talked" you were pretty sure he wasn't coming back, but it's awful he's turned into such an arse in other ways as well. I won't lie, I daydream sometimes about what it would be like to be on my own, but there's really no way to win in this situation - either you work on the relationship and have find a way to live with and love the person who ripped you to shreds, or you have the opportunity for a new life, fresh start etc but with little/no support. Hope your ex doesn't sink any lower, and manages at some point to see what he's become!

cwtch wow. Glad your story has a happy ending!