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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've just kicked my boyfriend out, what do I do now!

43 replies

NewMummyLaura · 05/11/2011 21:19

I finally got to breaking point tonight and when we were going to a friends house I said was going to the shop, took the car and the house keys and came home and left him there. It was very selfish to do that to my friends as it has put them in the middle of this situation but I didn't know what else to do. We have a 6 m/o daughter who is luckily at my Mums for the weekend so isn't stuck in the situation at the moment. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs and we only got engaged two months ago but I finally got to breaking point today. It was both our faults and I'm not just blaming him but I got sick of being told I was stupid/an idiot/thick/a b#tch/nasty/evil and many other things. I tried my best to be a good partner and do everything I could as he was the only person working and I stayed at home and looked after l/o but it all got too much tonight and now I don't know what to do. I have looked at the benefits calculator and I know I should be okay financially, to a point, but what about everything else?!

OP posts:
Original poster
NewMummyLaura · 05/11/2011 22:07

I did not know he could remove my l/o from my Mums care. She has told me that if he attempts to get her she will call the police. It is highly unlikely that would happen anyway. So I am not allowed to kick him out and even if we split up he could continue to live here?

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 05/11/2011 22:08

what do you want to happen now?

GypsyMoth · 05/11/2011 22:08

If he has PR for your child the police will be unable to prevent him taking her. He is her parent despite his differences with you. Your mother is only a relative. She has no PR

Original poster
NewMummyLaura · 05/11/2011 22:12

#NotSuchASmugMarriedNow. I would prefer to go and sit down with a relationship Councillor and discuss our differences with an unbiased party and see if what do have is worth saving. I have mentioned this to him many times but he is not open to it. I really feel it would help us as we cannot discuss our differences without it turning into a slanging match.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 05/11/2011 22:14

no, i mean right now, tonight and tomorrow

Original poster
NewMummyLaura · 05/11/2011 22:17

well he has now text me telling me that he is staying at my friends house tonight but will be coming back tomorrow. He has told me he wants me to give him two weeks to stay in the spare room. I have asked him what the two weeks are for, to save our relationship or find somewhere else to live. He hasn't replied. I am torn to be honest with wanting to save it because when its good its brilliant, but it's very frequently bad at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewMummyLaura · 05/11/2011 22:30

He has agreed to some sessions with a councillor but I don't know if that will actually happen. I am just tired and confused. Its not that I don't want to be on my own, I just don't know if I want to be without him. Anyway thank you for all of your help, I will try and update you. x

OP posts:
meltedchocolate · 05/11/2011 22:35

Shock You have left your poor friend in this situation. Kicked him out, with no warning, of his own home. Stopped him seeing his child tonight at least and put your mum in an awkward situation. If your relationship is not good, man up and deal with it properly. This is stupid, cowardly and childish.

Original poster
NewMummyLaura · 05/11/2011 22:41

I will just say I have been trying to deal with it properly, I have tried to sit down and discuss our problems, doesn't work, I have tried to suggest relationship councelling but he is not open to this suggestion, or wasn't until 10 minutes ago. I completely agree that it was childish and cowardly and also extremely unfair to my friends but like I also said, I didn't know what else to do. My l/o was already staying at my Mums this weekend anyway.

OP posts:
meltedchocolate · 05/11/2011 23:37

fair enough but you could have moved in with your mother or applied for new accomodation.

Hissy · 05/11/2011 23:46

If he thinks it OK to call you names like that, tbh you are better off without him.

BertieBotts · 05/11/2011 23:47

Meltedchocolate really? OP isn't likely to get new accommodation for years if she applies for it. And perhaps her mother doesn't have room for her and the baby (who will eventually need her own room)

Agree OP hasn't dealt with this in the best way but verbal abuse is unacceptable and if she is the one looking after the child, then she needs the house - he should be the one to move out.

Original poster
NewMummyLaura · 07/11/2011 17:21

Thank you for all your help, he is now back here and has agreed to start with couples therapy and also to stop calling me names and I've agreed to walk away when he's trying to wind me up. We'll see how it goes for now, it's worth trying to save it after nearly five years but if there's no improvement then I'm going to ask him to leave and try out on my own but I'm hoping it'll get better. x

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 07/11/2011 23:54

I'll give it 3-4 weeks tops before he reverts to type.

Hissy · 08/11/2011 00:02

If he's calling you names and abusing you, then you are wasting your time with the therapy/counselling.

Relate won't touch a couple if abuse is in the picture.

Already I see a fatal flaw in this. The onus is on YOU to walk away if HE is trying to wind YOU up? Erm, shoot me if I'm being thick here, but if you tell a guy that he's OUT ON HIS EAR unless he treats you right, then why is he even thinking that he may wind you up?

If he has not got the hang of being a decent partner now, after 5 years.... when IS he going to get it?

I reckon he'll be back to his old ways in 3-4 DAYS tbh. I don't think you ought to let him back until HE'S done counselling to find out why he thinks it acceptable to call his supposed gf, and the mother of his baby all the names under the sun...

yumyum12 · 29/11/2016 13:10

Hi i really need some advice here..
So me and my partner have been together on and off for about 9 years we have two children together..
He used to have issues with smoking weed. He used to steal money off me to buy it,he used take our rent money and gas money and use it for himself..we broke up he stopped smoking and he had changed hes ways..well i thought he he had.. We go bk together and i found him signing up to all these adult sites and trting to meet with other women. Iv had enough of feeling like im not good enough and it brings me down as a person.. I love him alot and never want any of this to happen but he always gives me no choice...i always end up takin him bk in the end becuse i feel guilty that he has no where to go and knowing that im kicking my childrens dad out on the streets makes me feel really bad ...this is the last for me now.. But he has no where to go and no job..how do i break up with him knowing he has no where do go.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 29/11/2016 13:51

Yum-yum, you would be much better off starting your own thread. Suggest you cut&paste and ask MNHQ to delete your post on here.

It's not just protocol, it's also (more usefully) about easier navigation on your shiny new fred! Best of luck.

hellsbellsmelons · 29/11/2016 13:57

Yumyum you need to cut that and paste it into a new thread.
Start your own and get your own support.

But, just stop taking him back.
And please do get in touch with Womens Aid - 0808 2000 247
Ask them about their Freedom Programme.
Do it as a matter of urgency!

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