Sometimes I hate being married

[redvelvetcake]

Just that. I hate it sometimes. I hate the way I get let down by H on so many occasions. I hate feeling like such a mug

Well, you could always become not married.

Sorry, being inappropriately flippant.

I don't know, RVC, you're struggling with the aftermath of him cheating on you, as you are more than entitled to be.

You never did explain why you thought relationship counselling could potentially make things worse? You're miserable and you don't trust him, you feel let down, and that's all a totally valid way to feel. If you're feeling stuck, maybe a counsellor could help you see your way forward?

I am nervous about seeing a counsellor. There have been times when he has lied to me. These have always involved going out. He goes out, drinks too much and loses track of time and comes home after 4/5am. He's an obnoxious drunk. Some were calculated lies and those hurt the most. We've moved past those, but of we go to counseling and it all comes up again, I think it will make it harder for me.

He went out with a mutual friend of ours last night. I trust this friend and it was his time since I found out. I got two emails from him, one that he was eating ribs and the other was a soppy one at 11.30. After that nothing. He came home at 2,30, drunk . And now I'm annoyed at him, because one of my conditions was if you are going to drink to be sensible. As his drinking was one of the 'reasons' for the one night stand.

We've moved past those, but of we go to counseling and it all comes up again, I think it will make it harder for me.

Harder for you to do what? Harder for you to stay? That indicates that those issues are not yet resolved for you, and addressing them in counselling would be one v good way of getting closure on them, one way or another. And also a v good way for you to examine what it means for you that he does not choose to follow your conditions.

I agree, it does sound like you know deep down you haven't resolved those past issues and have just put them to one side instead. I suspect that's why you're a bit stuck on how to get through this. Does he expect you to never mention those past incidents again?

I think they're part of the puzzle, all feeding into a pattern of behaviour where his boozy good times became a one-night-stand.

What does he say about last night? Does he think it was ok to have been so late and got so drunk?

I don't know your back story, but just wondered if your DH is an alcoholic, or has a drinking problem of some sort. It does rather seem to be the catalyst to your problems with him