This is my changed name for posting in relationships. I last posted here about 5 months ago when I found out that DP had cheated - a one night stand, then she was here on business and they met up again. I told him we were over at that point, he asked me to think about it and give it time, and made a load of promises (some of which haven't been fulfilled, some have, some are getting there). As we have DS, I agreed to give it until Christmas.
The past 5 months have been very up and down. I haven't regained any kind of trust in him. But we have talked more, and we've had a bit of a laugh a few times, and even had a few attempts to resurrect our sex life. He is making an effort, although I think he could try harder. TBH I know that if it wasn't for DS, I'd be off.
Now, a new thing has cropped up. Recently an old girlfriend got in touch with DP. We're talking from around 30 years ago, when they had a relationship that lasted a few months. Apparently after they'd gone their separate ways they wrote to each other for a while, but then it died out until she turned up out of the blue via Friends Reunited. At first it was all fine, updating each other etc - she actually seems ok, and happily married. However, the emails have got more and more intense, and, I feel, inappropriate. I don't know why they're both spending so much time and energy on this weird online relationship - I suppose they're both remembering when they were young, indulging themselves, I don't know. I've asked DP to cool it - not to end contact completely, we both have a past, and I wouldn't ask him to stop seeing/being in touch with friends. But because of the fragile state of our relationship, I feel he could be using the emotional energy he's spending on this woman (and the emails are really quite intense, long, and frequent) on trying to mend the mess he's made.
He didn't mention she'd got in touch. I have access to his email, so that's how I found out (he knows I have the password). However, since I first asked him about it, they've both started using their work emails to keep in touch - her email address is shared with her husband. I've waited until DP has gone out so I can access recent items on his computer, and that's how I've seen the most recent emails.
He tells me she's not a threat. Ok, she's probably not, in the sense that he's not going to go off and shag her. Am I over-reacting here? I have never felt more paranoid than in the past months, so I'm not sure I trust my own judgement. I think he should be doing everything he can to help me get over his betrayal. He agreed he'd write to her and tell her that they should pull it back a bit, but of course he hasn't. I'm tempted to write to her myself. Sorry for a long ramble, but I'd like an outside view on it IYSWIM (if anyone has been arsed to read this far, and has time to reply!).