Im just tired of everything

[redvelvetcake]

I'm tired of my life.

5 months ago i found out DH had a one night stand. We are working to get past it. Some days are ok, some days are filled with anger. I asked DH to tell me if there was anything i needed to know about and we cleared the air. He said no. I still from time to time check his email and told him i would until i felt comfortable again. I found an email for Cartier watches. He was given one from my dad when we got married. And he lost it on that day, but never told me.

Its just feel like its another thing he has hidden from me. We have had trust issues before in our marriage and we work through it. But it seems like he just can't be honest with me.

How long have you been married and do you have dc?

It's ok to say that you can't get past what he did, if that is how you feel. You don't have to be over it. His behaviour has chipped away at what you had, and perhaps it's gone too far to be recoverable. You don't have to go on working at it, just because it's 5 months on.

Have you done any relationship counselling? If not, it might be an avenue to try.

I'm really sorry to hear about what you are going through.

When you say you are working to get past it, how? What is your DH doing to reassure you? Has he explained how the one night stand happened in the first place?

I'm not surprised your marriage has trust issues, your husband has, after all, proved that he can't be trusted! 5 months isn't very long and I'm not surprised you are still sad and angry.

Do you want your marriage to work? Do you think your husband is genuinely sorry and will never do it again? Where did the past trust issues come from? does he have previous form for acting in a way that causes you not to trust.You sound utterly worn down and it is no way to have to live. You are worth so mush more. Nobody has the right to make you feel utterly tired of your life.

Ditto what buzzskeleton says, you aren't obliged to your husband to 'get over it'. There is no reason why you should forgive him if you don't want to or feel that you can't. He has brought it all entirely on himself.

I realise the last paragraph seems to contradict my first - there should have been an 'Alternatively, if you still think you can get past it' or something in there .

We have a 1 year old an 7.5 months pregnant. We've been married 4 years.

We haven't tried counselling, i am worried that it may make things worse.

I do so much for DH and his family even though i don't get on with them. I'm tired of having to be the one who thinks about everyone and does 'the right thing'. I feel like i'm giving so much in this relationship, but he isn't even doing the basics. It hurts to be in a relationship where i can't fully trust my husband.

Why do you think counselling might make things worse?

For you to forgive him, he has to be making an effort in the relationship. Just saying 'Oh well, sorry and all that' is nowhere near enough. Is he showing any signs of remorse? Is he being nicer than usual to you? Or are you expected to carry on as normal?

DH has told me exactly what happened when he had the one night stand. I'm working through it for many reasons. I had to look back on our relationship and believe that there was something worth saving. And i do believe that we had some really good times and we can get back there.

We do have some trust issues as i have caught him out lying to me on several occasions. These lies were him staying out and going out getting drunk but not telling me. Or coming home at 4/5 in the morning when it was meant to be 12/1.

I wish he was just honest with me. That he could be man enough to own up to his mistakes. I understand that marriage isn't hunky dory, but i don't like being lied to.

I can't sleep. I can just feel the pressure of everything getting to me

If you're not asleep already, rvc, go to bed now and try and have a decent night's rest! Come back here tomorrow when the MNs will try and help you. They're good! Take care of yourself - best wishes

I'm still up. Im upset at my DH. I'm tired of being lied to. It feels like there are so many downs at the moment. Being pregnant makes it so much harder. I can't enjoy being pregnant, I just look at the changes in my body and hate it.