50 ways to leave your husband - who has succeeded?

[deliakate]

Things have come to a head between DH and I after we spent a week apart and were both so disappointed on seeing one another again. He has been violent, angry and confrontational in the past, and just yesterday, almost caused a car crash when he wrenched the wheel off me whilst driving (thread on aibu). I am probably just as bad when I am with him.

I really want us to separate as I know its not good for the kids - frankly if it was not for them I would have walked to set my life up alone. But I'm a sahm, no career to go back to that would pay sufficiently to afford childcare (plus I don't want them in daycare). They are 5 months and 2.

Has anyone on here actually got out in a situation like this - ie. having no savings, no job, and wanting to continue being a sahm? Did you get on the breadline? I'm prepared to do this but I don't know what would be the first step.

DH won't agree to separate and won't move out, so it will be me who will have to go.

oh my, you are in the same position as me a little over a year ago. in the end i made dh leave and go and get therapy for his anger issues ( we had a similar driving incident to yours in fact, where he grabbed the wheel to "scare" an HGV that had cut me up )

after he left he was a nightmare for about a month, turning up at odd times, threatening suicide to scare me, breaking down in front of dc's, harassing me and my mother with phonecalls, threatening to clear bank accounts and leave us destitute until he finally admitted to having issues and had therapy. then I slipped a disc in my back that meant I was bed bound for two weeks so he HAD to move back in to care for the DC's

he made a massive effort after that and we were happy until mid July, when he started to return to his old ways. as for how we are now... well I know we will not be together forever but I havent yet had the conversation with him about it. in truth I never 100% forgave him the first time, because I knew deep down that he would always be a narcissistic bully regardless of therapy and sadly i have been proved right

so we are still together, just. I am still planning an escape...

you must seek legal advice asap, your solicitor will put your mind at rest. I believed dh when he said he would cut me off without a penny but I was wrong. he cannot just leave you high and dry especially as you have a tiny baby. No court will expect you to support yourself with children that small, or expect you to immediately find work

Thanks. Its a slight nightmare as he is a solicitor and he's pretty untruthful and calculating to boot.

The immediate thing that springs to mind about getting my own sol is money. But I guess they can hold bills back until things are sorted.....

I hope your situation resolves itself soon. Are you going to go back to work?

yes, although I have no job to go back to. I am just sticking it out until next year when my youngest starts pre-school. I hope not to be in this relationship in a years time. as you say if it wasnt for the children I would have gone a long long time ago.

I instinctively will always put my children first, but ultimately I do not want to sacrifice my happiness on the altar of motherhood. My eldest has already seen enough rows and I do not want either of them to grow up thinking the relationship I have with dh is in anyway normal, and god forbid replicate it in their own relationships as adults.