Sorry if wrong thread...my mom has disowned me.

[BlueKangaroo22]

I have posted before with regards to the fact that I had reason to believe that my mom had reported me to Social Services.
Basically my mom was not happy with a few aspects of my parenting of dd (4 months) including having her babysat for a couple of hours (and one overnight stay at her great aunts) and baby rice.

Well she text me yesterday saying 'hows dd doing'.
I responded she is fine thanks, my mom when dd was born would text very regularly and ask how dd AND I were doing with a couple of kisses (I know, sounds silly, but when dd was first born our relationship was the best it had been in a few years) so the lack of any concievable affection was absent from the text IYSWIM.

She has not been to see dd in several weeks, and yes I could go to hers but it is immensly difficult to drag dd all the way up to her and my brother very kindly used to offer once a week to come and fetch us and take us to visit mom.

God I'm half way through and this already sounds totally pathetic!

Anyway I mentioned this the other week about the lack of visits and she told me she is very busy at work (I can understand this and do not have a problem with that) its more that she can't even find the time to quickly text or call.
The text i recieved yesterday was the only time she had texted me in over a fortnight.

So I text her today saying if she couldnt be bothered to text more than once a fortnight then dont bother as my dd deserves better than the odd text.
Her response to this was 'fine'.

Over the course of a few texts, i was told to go away, piss off, and 'stay away from me' because she had been on holiday (second holiday since dd was born- not got a problem with this but she thinks i do) I didn't say this outright but I am a bit confused as to how she struggles to find time to come and see me but can manage a weeks holiday? (I know I sound so horrible the way this is worded but I am trying to get everything out so as not to seem like I am dripfeeding) FWIW she works in a school as a support assistant and most days finishes work at 1pm and my brother picks her up and brings her home sometimes. So its not entirely impossible to visit, I really would like to go and visit sometimes, but I don't always have money for busfares and like I say my brother would text me and offer to pick me up.

When i was being told to go away etc, I was merely asking what I had done to make her decide to treat me like this, she is still denying that she phoned ss, but she is the only person who knew certain things (one of the accusations was that she had not had her injections-she is behind with them-i.e she just had her twelve week ones at 16 weeks, this was due to a cock up with the doctors surgery)

This makes me sound really awful doesn't it. I can't word it properly but that above is the gist of the whole thing. I have been told not to contact them for anything ever again. I'm really upset about the whole thing.

WHy does she have to do all the legwork? WHy haven't you text her rather than wait for her to do it first? And how far deos she live? A 4 month old is really very portable. I'm not sayign this to be mean, but if you want to fix this then maybe you should look at your expectations of her. She may well be wondering why you don't text or visit too. Are you very young OP? Because tbh your mother is treating you as if you are, and you're acting like it too.

So confused. People will need more info than this I think. Like how the SS thing happened. Or a link to a previous thread. Are you young?

I have to say that I think you were wrong saying that if she couldn't text more than once a fortnight then not to bother. You could text her, ring her, etc. If her life doesn't revolve around your dd then that's fair enough. We hear from dh,s mum maybe twice a year.

However if she's the sort of person who tells you to piss off, etc then maybe you're better off without her.

And I remember the ss thread. It did sound like it was her and it wad bang out of order.

Relationships need work on both sides. Your both adults but acting like teenagers. You both have mobiles to text and homes to go and visit.
Don't let one little fight keep you from working in your relationship (if you want to) because after years it becomes very hard to make friends again.

Reporting your DD to the SS in NOT a little fight Lisad123

she doesnt know if she reported her to SS, and thats not what this falling out has been about, OP said its about not texting for two week.

Hey BlueKangaroo. You need to talk to your mum. Explain that you realise that the relatioship isn't what it was, that you are sorry for any part that you've played in the breakdown, and ask her how she feels, and what she wants for the relationship.

At the moment you're second guessing each other.

Just seen you are 22. I don't understand the SS thing but apart from that perhaps you both don't know where you stand? What role you play? Is she still the mum that dotes on her DD, or the mum that realises her DD has her own life now and acts as if you were 40 with kids?

You sound like you still expect her to be your mum that dotes on you and now your DS too, but wanting the independence of the 40 year old mum with kids IYSWIM. That's not wrong but the boundaries must be clear to avoid confusion. Many mothers wouldn't be that shocked if their own mums hadn't been in contact for a fortnight. Perhaps your mum is struggling with where she fits in with you now and has resorted to anger and pushing you away? Perhaps the SS thing was to gain back control if she felt she was losing some? (That is so wrong but anywho)