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Relationships

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Original poster

Men who bang on about their exes

16 replies

CJ2010 · 02/11/2011 17:38

Why do they do this? I was talking to a single girlfriend who is currently dating and she said she is exaperated at the number if men who feel it us ok to discuss their exes on first, second, third dates...

When I was single and dating, I experienced the same and found it so rude and
disrespectful! It happened to me quite a bit. Are these men not over their ex? Just really stupid? Or maybe they lack conversation?

OP posts:

berkshirefem · 02/11/2011 17:39

Hate this. Surely it's relevent on, like, date 6 if there are children involved - you know, a brief synopsis of "She lives round the corner, we get along okay"
But other than that it is totally embarrassing.

Original poster

CJ2010 · 02/11/2011 17:51

A guy I dated once, said on the second date- 'my ex has just had a baby' WTF!

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 02/11/2011 17:54

I think this is the price you pay for being the rebound relationship, you know, the first girfriend they have after the break down of their long term relationship.

You should always avoid being someones rebound - or you could just tell them straight out that your not there unpaid counsellors if they wanna winge about their exes they can pay someone £40 an hour to listen to it.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 02/11/2011 17:56

My ex constantly winged about me to his rebound - i know this because she told me after she dumped him (coz he wouldn't stop bad-mouthing me)

SolidGoldVampireBat · 02/11/2011 17:57

It's very offputting, but it's not just men that do it. Plenty of women spend the first date going 'My XP, the bastard!' too.

Original poster

CJ2010 · 02/11/2011 18:02

I've often wondered if it's a power thing on their part because it's insulting, it's like they are bringing a third person to the date! IYSWIM

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 02/11/2011 18:04

OP, how do you react when dates do this to you? Do you say anything?

Original poster

CJ2010 · 02/11/2011 18:11

When it first happened, when I was young, I never said a word! However as I got older and much less tolerant, I would end the date immediately and tell them why! I became completely intolerant to bullshit of any kind abs that is how I live my life now, apply it to all areas. I am a nice person but I cannot abide people that play games and think it's ok to fuck other people around. Now I'm a mum, I feel I need to set an example to my kids.

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 02/11/2011 18:14

If it happens to me, (which it won't because i am never going to date again for the rest of my life) i have decided that i'm just gonna tell em straight not to do it.

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 02/11/2011 19:59

I have had a few blokes do this. They inevitably turned out to be knobbers. In the end I realised it said a lot about MY choices and the fact I was deliberately going for crap men. I'm staying single for a while....

WibblyBibble · 02/11/2011 22:28

I think it's very sensible to talk about past relationships as soon as possible- that way you get an idea of how someone has behaved in the past and is likely to in future. I'm not some kind of delicate flower who wants to think people I see have never fucked anyone else, though, so I suppose it's different if you're hardcore sexual history denialists or something.

cerealqueen · 02/11/2011 22:37

I started seeing somebody, who, on our first date and though divorced, kept talking abut his 'wife', and then said, 'you don't mind if I talk about my wife, do you?' Er yes, she's not your wife anymore, we are on a DATE and if you have to refer to her, she has a name. Suffice to say, it didn't work out.

EleanorRathbone · 02/11/2011 22:43

Wibbly, it is just not the done thing to talk about past relationships on a first date.

Sorry, you are wrong.

It's not a sign that everyone who finds it offputting, are fainting laydeez shocked at the idea that their date might once have had sex with another laydee. It's just a sign of sanity, to find it inappropriate on a first date.

HTH

Snorbs · 02/11/2011 22:54

I have had a few dates with women who sit there all evening powering through bottle after bottle of wine while whinging on. And on. And on. And on. And on and on about how much of a wanker their ex is. Bleurgh.

EleanorRathbone · 02/11/2011 23:13

LOL

Some people just have no social graces. WTF is the matter with them.

Am now imagining a date with man and woman both going on and on and on about their exes.

Oh to be a screenwriter....

EleanorRathbone · 02/11/2011 23:15

I have to say, I think I have been uncommonly lucky.

Or else, very forgetful. I can't remember anyone going on about their ex. Not on a date. I've met various men who went on and on about their exes in other contexts, but I can't remember it happening on a date.

Someone did go on and on about football once though, and I wished he'd just STFU and move on to the subject of his ex...

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