DP moved out yesterday-really need some help today

[MrCondiment]

I asked DP to move out yesterday. There is no doubt in
My mind he is an emotionally and financially abusive bully (not really domestic a couple of pushing incidents years ago).

We have two children 4&1

I just don't know what to do today

All assets are in my name but in terms of income I am employed by a company that is not quite making money yet so have no fixed income

I guess I need to claim benefits? Should I make an appointment today. Should I see a solicitor? We have a home that we put equal deposit in. He built an big extension paid for mostly by his mums inheritence-he says me and the children should move out sell the house and I will only get the deposit put in. Now I know this won't happen but you can see the type of man we're dealing with here. I guess I should see a solicitor?

I could also really do with some support. I feel so lonley. I have told some friends but there's only so much you can talk. How do I explain to DS (4) ? He asked for daddy today and I said he's having a sleepover at his friends house. He said 'what forever?' and is said yes. Feel awful saying that to him but it's the truth

Feel so sad

ach say no more about it

I like the opportunity to practice my pithy one-liners

I think your doing the right thing 100% !!

You seem very aware of what you have to do , and I'm sure all your family And friends are and will be behind you every step of the way.

That's what family are for

:-)

Thank you Sammie :). I have made an effort to tell everybody so I can get all the support I need and am everybody had been amazing. A few have said they know why I'm doing this, they saw what was going on

I called the benefits office yesterday ad they said I'm not entitled to income support. I think that's because I said I worked three days a week but that's not actually true I as almost self employed-the company is new and if there is no work to be done there is no pay to recieve! I go into the office but don't get a set wage and also work from home trying to get new business

I think it's probably best to speak to the cab I'm going to call them today. I've no idea of the ins and outs of benefits and how to apply etc. hopefully they can also refer me to a good solicitor, I don't know any

Ex came round yesterday said a few vile things (no surprises there) we couldn't agree on how to split up the assets so I said I would cOnsult a solicitor. He left me £40 last of the big spenders huh! That will pay half of this terms dinner money for ds

aww, you sound lovely

keep seeking out that RL support

it is there for you, sometimes with the official stuff you have to keep trying though

get a good family law solicitor on your side...if you don't click with the first one you speak to, move on until you do x

Thank you anyfucker what a lovely thing to say. I think it shows how much he put me down I am genuinely surprised when people say nice things to me

I haven't done any of the legal and benefits stuff yet just need a bit of time to absorb what is going on. The kids are staying at mums house tonight so that will give me some time which is good

Had a bit of a wobble last night. It I didn't post I think it was because I was tired so I just went to bed. Just going over everything in my head I cannot believe how much I let him get away with. Every day he used to critisise me even from how long I spent in the shower to how I cleaned things (yet he wouldn't help himself!). He hasn't taken his clothes yet I think he is waiting for me to help him well that's not going to happen!

I bought the Lundy Bancroft book earlier in the year and you've guessed it he fitted the profile perfectly. I didn't want to read it too much as it was awful to realise what he was. I've been dipping into it again a little bit at a time

There's no doubt in my mind that I'm doing the right thing in not staying with him due to the way he treated me but I'm just gutted it has come to this. Gutted he just couldn't see what he was doing and stop. We could have had such a nice life. It pisses me off as well that I will be to blame for all this, he will not take any blame for it but we all know that he has played his part.

Can't believe I'm a lone parent and now may need to move but at the end I the day the alternative doesn't bear thinking about. I mean For goodness sake this man used to have a hissy fit if I used his hairbrush!

Thanks for listening to me waffle. I really appreciate all the online support

Well done for getting rid of him and remember that when you are dealing with an abusive man, everything needs to be done via solicitors. You can't come to an amicable, reasonable agreement with an abusive man because he's abusive. So don't listen to anything he says, just repeat 'You'll be hearing from my solicitor'.
As to the money/benefits thing, I am self-employed/partly employed/in a right mess now but that's another story... basically you can get tax credits based on your average income for the year, just be careful to let them know if you get a sudden big rise in income.

Hi solidgold thanks so much for your post it's the straight talking stuff that I really need to hear now..

On reflection I can't believe what an abusive test he was, it's really quite shocking now I go through it in my mind. I guess that's what happens though because if they're obviously (emotionally) abusive from the start then we wouldn't stick with them right?

I visited the cab and have sent off for the tax credits stuff. I have an appt with a solicitor this week. I guess I'll get the house valued and sell it just to get a clean break

Some twatty things he has done this week: came into the house while I was out (with my permission) and opened a letter by mistake
Has given me £85, which will go a Long way towards outgoings of c£1500 pm
Has only taken oldest child out but not youngest???
Called me and left a message on my voicemail my mistake during which I could hear him talking badly about me to his mates

He has collected youngest from school a couple of times this week which has helped

Anyway I don't know why I'm waffling really. Thanks so much to all who have posted. I do really need to keep reminding myself how bad he was an your posts help me do that