Ideas on alternative strategies

[Outsideperspective]

Every night my h sleeps on the sofa.

This hurts and offends me - I can't really qualify why, but basically it makes me feel unloved.

I have told him via calm conversations, shouting conversations and crying conversations over the years that this really upsets me. He says he doesn't do it to offend, and that he's only watching TV. I've said that he is saying to me that the TV is more important to him than me.

When I do mention it, he'll come up to bed for one or two nights, then goes back to the couch, I then don't say anything for a week or two, then say something and the cycle is repeated.

We have reclining chairs, but he has no blanket, pillow or anything. He is always in a permanent state of exhaustion, which I am not surprised at, nor have any tolerance or sympathy for.

I've suggested moving to a larger house, so that he can have his own bedroom, and he's said no, because we should be sharing a bedroom .

We have a TV in the bedroom connected to SKY, so there is nothing on the downstairs tv that he can't watch on the upstairs tv. Only difference is downstairs is HD, upstairs isn't (this is a big deal to him), but when I suggested upgrading TV to HD upstairs he said no.

He spends majority of weekends and his days off, lying on our bed, watching TV!!!

What do I do? I have said it causes me enough hurt to leave him, but he'll then come up for a couple of nights, and says I can't leave him, over something like this.

Any tips - outsiders opinions please.

When he starts telling you again that you can't leave him over something like this, tell him that yes, you have every right to leave a relationship when you are not happy and if he doesn't actually try to change, instead of putting on a show for a few days, that's what might happen.

Also, spending all day/night watching tv is definitely a form of escapism, so he might be depressed and may benefit from some sort of counselling/therapy.

Do you have an active sex life?
My Dh falls asleep in our lounge watching TV during the evening, but he wakes up in the early hours , usually cold, then comes to bed and puts his cold feet all over me!

The only thing I can suggest is that you promise excitement in the bedroom that he won't get from the TV downstairs.

Also he is obviously very comfy where he sleeps , how is your bed is it as comfortable as the sofa /chairs?

Personally I think it is laziness on his part and he can't be bothered to stir himself to get up the stairs. It might wake him too much,and he wouldn't be able to get off to sleep again?
It is a habit he has got into I am guessing.

You are hurt by his behaviour: it makes you feel unloved. You have told him this and asked him to change his behaviour. He has not changed his behaviour - or at least never in a lasting manner.

He is telling you that he does not care about your feelings on this matter. Given the number of times you have asked him, and the number of different ways, it is quite clear that he is not going to change this behaviour.

So now the choice is yours: can you accept that he will not sleep with you at night (and that he does not care that his behaviour makes you feel unloved)? Or are you serious when you say that this causes you enough hurt to leave?