Potential domestic abuse situation...

[IAMNICKY]

Hi Guys, long time reader first time poster here.

Firstly apologies if this is the wrong section, it loosely comes under relationships so I'm hoping I'm in the right place.

We (my GF and I) have had our 4 year old niece come to stay with us recently for a couple of days. While here, she mentioned that she has seen my SIL being hit by her partner on several occasions.

I found this a very strange thing for a 4 year old to pick up on. My partner asked her sister about this, but she said that her daughter must have been lying to get attention.

Do you think that we are right in thinking that a 4 year old is unlikely to simply make up a story like this?

How should we approach this? Try and talk sense into the SIL? Leave them to their own devices?

Thanks in advance

I have a3yr old and she always tells the truth so I would have to give what the niece says some serious weight. SIL may well be embarassed about being given away by a 4 yr old. Chances are something is going on. Childred that young usually dont lie.

All you can really do is make sure your SIL knows your door is always open and if she needs support, you'll be there. I wouldn't push it, in case she withdraws from you or stops you seeing her dd.

I think a 4 year old is very unlikely just to make something up like that. Your partners sister is probably in denial. I feel for the child - the effects on children living with DV can be devastating - read this, better still, get your GF's sister to read it.

Thanks guys.

It's a tough one. Most 4 year olds make up stories like popstars coming into school or something. To hear that was really quite shocking, bit of a heart sink into the stomach sort of moment.

I can understand why she would want to keep it secret, of course anyone would understand that.

I don't know... My four year old
Neice told my mil I locked her away in a dark room and in the rabbit hutch!

Depends on the child I guess?

If it's true bear in mind the stat that on average women experience 12 episodes of violence before they leave their partners - you might be in for the long haul.
Buzzskeleton has wise words.

It might be true, or maybe not. My DD had a whole other family at 4 (the other Mum was much nicer). I would make sure SIL knows the door is open, and maybe look out for other signs etc. But also realise it might be nothing.
Signs I would look for is SIL being anxious, withdrawing from family, not being able to make family events, having unexplained illnesses and so on.
I hope it is nothing, but its good that you are concerned.

As others have said, make sure you indicate to your SIL (without being direct about it) that you are there for her.

If your niece says anything else about it, try not to ask leading questions, just listen and clarify carefully if necessary. If your niece feels the need to confide in someone it's really important to know she can trust you. Equally your SIL needs to know that you're not going to start blabbing about everything and will appreciate your loyalty and discretion in the long run.

I hope she's ok. She's lucky to have you and your GF looking out for her.

I would believe a 4 year old saying something that, but taking into consideration how it was said. You should also reassure the child that she has been believed. I also feel the need to point out that children witnessing or hearing domestic violence is now considered child abuse. Ensure above all else that the child is safe. Perhaps try to strengthen friendship with sil so you can keep a closer eye on the situation and offer unconditional support. There are about 35 incidents before someone discloses domestic violence. Good luck. Xxx