How do I get on with my SIL?

[addictediam]

I've always found my SIL really hard to get on with, apparently she really likes me not that you would know it but it?s got to the stage where every little thing she does makes me really angry and upset with her.

The most recent being this weekend, for my dd's first birthday I decided to wrap up and give her a dolly which I had when I was a little girl, it?s a very special dolly to me and holds lots of memories and I would like nothing more than dd to play with it and probably destroy it! love it like I did.

So a few weeks ago SIL tells dh she?s getting dd a doll for her birthday as she didn?t have one, dh told her we were giving her one and she didn?t really need 2, she sounded really put out and asked what she could get for her instead so dh gave her a few suggestions.

fast forward to Saturday SIL turns up at her party demanding dd open her present first and when she does it?s a rag doll. Just to point out, this isn?t what bothers me; dd can have 2 dolls that?s fine. SIL then starts going on and on (to a 1 year old who doesn?t understand her, so purely for my benefit to embarrass me in front of friends) about how 'this dolly is much better than her other one as it wasn?t second had, it was brand new, all the way from America just for her because she?s a special girl' and 'auntie x obviously loves you more than mummy because she spent lots of money on her brand new special doll and mummy just got all her birthday presents for free' (this is true, I used to be a cm and had lots of perfectly good toys in the garage so wrapped up some and gave them to her she?s 1, she?s never going to know I didn?t buy them specifically for her!)

DH says I should let it go and let it wash over me, and try and get on with her for his sake, but I really don?t want to. I don?t like her; I think she?s a selfish brat whose family have pandered to for far too long

I know it may sound very petty but I really could go on and on with things shes done to me, DH and dd.

How do I put up with her and get on with her?

when she behaves like this in public, could you try turning it into a joke against her? so she says "oh auntie x loves you so much more than mummy" and you say something like "oh there goes auntie x again, she's so silly, how nice to have a silly auntie who makes us all laugh" which turns the spotlight back onto her and points out the fact that YOU know she's being an arse and everyone else should recognise it too.

She physically hurt a ten month old baby for laughing?

I'm sorry, but I really think that you have (not at all surprisingly) become immune to her behaviour to a shocking extent. I find it astonishing, truly astonishing that you have allowed her to have anything to do with your child since.

You need to step outside the family dynamic, urgently. This woman is prepared to abuse your child and the family are prepared to stand by and watch. That is unacceptable.

Your SIL is not normal. You need to stop contact with your children. If she will hurt a baby, what on earth will she be prepared to do to a bigger child who answers back? It's clear from the context you provide that her psychopathic behaviour stems partly from a jealousy which extends to your child and any children to be. I urge you very, very seriously to take steps to protect them. This is really, really worrying.

This is no way 'normal' behaviour for an adult. I think she must have learning difficulties - I have many times seen adults with learning difficulties behave like this.

OP - what does she do for a living?

Your wedding day should be less about the two of you!!

Your 10 MONTH OLD daughter shouldn't laugh when she has a tantrum in front of her!!

She loves you more than mummy!!!!

You must, must, must minimise contact. And protect your daughter. 'Cos none of your in-laws will, I guarentee it!

Does she have a mental health issue that might help to explain if not excuse this. It's just the worst thing I have ever read on here. I'm so sorry

Sorry - to answer your actual original question, you don't, and you need to accept that it definately isn't you!!

This has probably been said, but she didn't embarrass you infront of your friends, she embarrassed herself infront of your friends.

I would agree with your DH - let it wash over you. She sounds a bit strange, just let her get on with it.

You will never get on with her. You need to discuss her unacceptable behavior with your DH, and explain that you will not be apologising in future when she is in the wrong. Be assertive with her,

You and your DH should present a united front to your PIL.

I didn't want to put this before as I'm not proud of my actions, but when she grabbed dds arm I gave dd to dh, grabbed her back much harder accidently digging my nails in making her bleed and threatend her with alot more than just she wouldnt see her again. I also went to hit her, but fil stood in between us stopping me. I just saw red. I can assure you, I didn't just stand by and watch the crazy sil hurt my dd. And her birthday part is the first time she's seen her since. And she wasn't even actually invited.

Reality posting on here is actually helping with the anger and just making me see how pathetic she is.

There really aren't any mental health issues that we know of, however there have been many issues in her life.

Im not making excuses btw, even with issues its imo unacceptable behaviour

"auntie x obviously loves you more than mummy because she spent lots of money on her brand new special doll and mummy just got all her birthday presents for free"

"Auntie X can FUCK RIGHT OFF"

Your daughter won't be pre-verbal forever, make the most of it now...

You are going to end up cutting off contact with your SIL, and probably also your other ILs, sooner or later, you mark my words. She is just too batshit unreasonable, and they too ridiculously enabling, for it to end any other way.

What job does she do? Any idea of her educational standard etc?