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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He didnt like that I raised my voice and swore

21 replies

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 14:44

so he hung up the phone. I was asking him questions about a valid topic and he obviously didnt like the fact. He said 'what is this fing question time'? I shouted down the phone 'no its not fing wuestion time' but why didnt you tell me .... then he hung up. Ok, so I should not have shouted, but he swore and was sarcastic. I am sat here feeling even more unloved and neglected than usual. Crying, feeling sad. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 31/10/2011 15:29

Who is "he" and what's the nature of your relationship? Because if he's a boyfriend, partner or husband, maybe he shouldn't be any longer.

KatieScarlett2833 · 31/10/2011 15:38

You replied in the same way he spoke to you.

No right to get arsey about YOU swearing.

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 15:43

He - is DH, and our relationship is not great. Yes, I did reply in the same way as he had spoken to me, but he didn't need to be sarcastic and swear to begin with. Feel so shit right now, how am I supposed to be when he comes home, like he did nothing wrong??

OP posts:

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 15:46

If he wants to keep up a pretense that nothing is wrong, that doesn't mean that you have to join that pretense.

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 15:48

i feel so pissed I dont even want to make him dinner. Is that just plain childish? cos just right now I am so so hurt.

OP posts:

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 15:50

Can you express your hurt to him in a non-blow up way when he returns? Using only "I" statements? Then see how he responds to that.

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 15:56

yes, i can and will tell him how I feel, again, he will predictably tell me how it is all my own fault and that I dont know how to talk to people. he will probably not apologise at all.

OP posts:

KatieScarlett2833 · 31/10/2011 16:08

Sorry, I expressed myself badly earlier.

What I MEANT to say was you had every right to swear seeing as how he swore at you first IYSWIM?

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 16:08

Well if his response is indeed to tell you that you are bad and that you made him open his own mouth and swear at you, and if that has been his consistent response in the past... what, if anything, are you expecting will change things for the better?

pozzled · 31/10/2011 16:24

In your posts you seem to be focusing on what you did 'wrong' by swearing and shouting. But you had a very valid reason to be angry- he wouldn't answer your question and swore at you. I think you should think a bit more about what you want from him- presumably an apology and an answer to the questions?

When he comes home I would NOT let him pretend it never happened, I would be saying 'We need to talk' and then expressing (but politely) how angry it made you that he dismissed you, and hung up on you- very rude.

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 16:31

Am not 'expecting' anything, but would like to be treated with more respect.

OP posts:

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 16:32

He is often dismissive of me and it it really hurts. I have tried, politely talking to him about it, again he is dismissive and sees it as something of a problem that 'i have'.

OP posts:

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 16:33

Is he willing to treat you with more respect, though?

You want respect. You ask for it. He does not give it.

...now what? You ask again?

pozzled · 31/10/2011 16:44

It sounds like there is a lot more to this than just one phone call. Does he generally act like he cares about you?

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 16:59

I dont suppose he does really. Zero affection. talks as though I am a flatmate or such like. He knows I am unhappy with the state of our marriage but seems he is not bothered to help improve upon it. Hence his contemptuous behaviour towards me.

OP posts:

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 17:06

He knows I am unhappy with the state of our marriage but seems he is not bothered to help improve upon it.

Ball's back in your court, then. What are you going to do?

Original poster

pissedofforwhat · 31/10/2011 17:09

I guess as he says 'put up with it or leave' easier said than done. my dc will not want to leave their father

OP posts:

maleview70 · 31/10/2011 17:12

Doesn't sound like he loves you much.

Up to you whether you put up with it as doesn't sound like it's going to change any time soon!

TechnoViking · 31/10/2011 17:13

If he can't treat you with respect, then he clearly doesn't want to be with you anymroe. Therefore, he should leave, not you and dcs.

AmberLeaf · 31/10/2011 17:18

Swearing is clearly not such a big deal for him as he swore first.

My guess [going from what you say the conversation was about] he reacted huffily to your swearing to avoid answering your questions.

You didnt really do anything wrong, he just wanted to throw you of the 'question time'

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 20:53

If he can't treat you with respect, then he clearly doesn't want to be with you anymore. Therefore, he should leave

Oh, I get the sense that OP's husband is perfectly content with the situation as it is, if only she would just shut up about her feelings. Since when do domestic appliances get a say, after all?

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