How does your dh show he loves you?

[foreverchangingname]

Just curious, leading on from the other, feeling invisible thread.

• Always tells me he loves me, even infront of family/friends/my boss
• Is very affectionate.
• Listens to me even when Im being completely irrational and ridiculous.7
• Always does right by me.
• Defends me when I am unable to defend myself (with my family) but maintains his usual levels of politeness.
• Makes me coffee/tea without prompt :)
• Walks the dog on his own if its raining to save us both getting wet.
• Recognises when Im ill/ran down and ensures I rest or talk if things are bothering me.
• IGNORES my irrationality when he knows I have PMT but provides plenty of reassurance/love/understanding even when Im been a complete bitch. (If in doubt he checks my diary to reassure himself that its because AF is on way!)

Before I met Mr Signet I was undoubtedly a screwed up idiot. No confidence, irrational ideas of what love was (all negative) Repeatedly "tested" him by pushing him away and being absolutely fucking awful. Told him on a regular basis I didnt need him and if he left I wouldnt give a shit. Never would discuss the future. Never let on how much he meant to me. I didnt do anything but work, didnt socialise and basically was in a rather shitty place.

Im now still not one for showing emotion but I can acknowledge if something has hurt my feelings or made me annoyed/jealous.
I understand that alot of my beliefs of how things are are warped due to my experiences and that things are not really like this. I will try new things, I see friends and I am able to stop saying hurtful things. I can tell him I love him.

I would like to take the credit for me hopefully being a better human being but I cant. Without his love, patience and gentle direction god only knows what or where I would be. I think this to me proves he loves me more than any physical act.... I finally believe it too and its amazing feeling.

Sorry Very long post!!! Didnt mean to gush quite that much.!!

What a lovely thread - am crying now!

Dh and I are sadly a very long way from anything like these examples.

x

He never stops showing me...for example:
Tells me every day
Tells me I'm gorgeous
Holds me in his arms as we fall asleep, and for much of the night
Is always respectful
Doesn't let me down
Is brilliant with my girls and they adore him
Takes the kids out sometimes to give me a break
Takes me to Dubai on holiday and for weekends away
We talk/text/email every day, even when he's abroad for work
He cleans the kitchen after meals and irons school shirts

I could go on and on....

forever, I know how you feel, my DH sounds very similar to yours. when I talk to him about any of it (eg the fact he never gives me a hug unprompted) he says that isn't his way and he shows his love in other ways (eg he cooks dinner every night) and that I can't expect him to be perfect which I know is true and I can't just have this idealised vision of what a man should or shouldn't do for his lady so I try hard to just think that he is not as demonstrative / talkative as others but doesn't mean he loves me any less. I have just ordered "I love you but I'm not in love with you" which seems to get rave reviews (and has been recommended by other MNers) - am hoping DH might read it too so he can understand how it makes me feel when he isn't demonstrative. Check out www.amazon.co.uk/Love-You-But-Not-Relationship/dp/0747585520/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320400538&sr=8-1 (actually it was the reviews that convinced me to buy it rather than the rather stark description of the book itself). Hope this helps.

ok signet's post has me thinking - sounds like mr signet is the "giver" in that relationship and signet herself is the one who finds it harder to show her love? apologies if I am over-simplifying but makes me think that in some relationships one person is more of the giver and that is probably ok if you are both happy with it? so for those of us who are more demonstrative, maybe we just need to explain to other halves how it makes us feel when they aren't, but also perhaps accept that not every relationship is the same (and maybe wouldn't want it to be either)?

This is lovely :-)

When I met my DP (soon to be DH!) I was a total mess. He has been infinitely patient and understanding when I have been a complete bitch. He has proved to me a million times over that I can trust him completely.

He works closer to home than me and always gets dinner on and tidies up
He does all the housework I hate (bins, washing up)
He cuddles me when we go to sleep
He watches shit TV with me
He is always on my side
He is proud of me and tells me so often
He doesn't complain when I get drunk and call him to pick me and various friends up
He buys me little surprise presents just so I know he's thinking of me
He calls every lunch just to say hi
He sits up with me when I feel sick and strokes my hair
A day never goes by when he doesn't say 'I love you'
He never goes to sleep on an argument and won't let me either
He gets on amazingly well with all my friends and family and makes a big effort with them all
He brings me a blanket when I'm cold on the sofa
He never gives up on me

I could go on forever...he is amazing. I am the luckiest person in the world to have him.

forever It's possible he does love you, but some people just cannot show it. I find it very odd myself, that people would risk losing the ones they love because they can't say a few words or give a hug, but I guess it takes all types.

But clearly, this is not what you want. If you want someone more like the lovely men listed here -- well, are you willing to leave your DH?

I know myself, I need adoration and affection, and luckily my DH loves to give it (he's really lovely ) I would personally rather be alone than be in a relationship with no affection or obvious caring. Do you feel that strongly about it?

ok signet's post has me thinking - sounds like mr signet is the "giver" in that relationship and signet herself is the one who finds it harder to show her love? apologies if I am over-simplifying but makes me think that in some relationships one person is more of the giver and that is probably ok if you are both happy with it? so for those of us who are more demonstrative, maybe we just need to explain to other halves how it makes us feel when they aren't, but also perhaps accept that not every relationship is the same (and maybe wouldn't want it to be either)?

Id agree. As I am not so much of a pain in the arse as I were Mr Signet and I have had some honest and frank discussions about how I used to be. (I tend to critique myself alot!) He has admitted that at times he found it hard as he never knew where he stood, particularly with me saying "i dont need you here, if you go I wouldnt really be bothered" He says he knew I didnt mean it and it was self preservation on my part to make sure I couldnt be hurt. (I didnt realise that myself!) He admits he is much happier now Im more able to show him I love him and actually say it.

More than anything he says he never didnt love me, but he wished he could have made me love myself more because it is difficult to constantly be pushed away.

Im amazed he stayed in all honesty. I still revert to type so to speak when I get defensive but on the whole I try very hard to be honest with him about how I feel. I dare say it will bite me on my arse at some point but Im happy now so who cares!

Forever, it doesn't matter if he doesn't say I love you first/without prompting etc, but that's 3 little words, I can tell the next door neighbour I love them doesn't mean I mean it thou. I'd sooner have a DP/H who's actions proved they loved me that be constantly told hollow words (per xh).

DP isn't bothered by my being sick & I doubt he'd come & hold my hair out of the way unless I really got the ass, but he'd fuss like a mother hen once I was out. He doesn't cope with emotions very well - or at least female hormones & emotions but he tries his best.

but what he does to show he loves me is:-

gets up with the kids,
doesn't care i'm a mardy bum (infact takes the micky)
always tells me i'm beautiful
encourages me to go out with friends & do things for myself
always supportive
never tries to belittle or humiliate
is a willing victim eats my cooking creations

the best thou was 6 hours of shopping followed by watching x factor with chocolate. :)

My DH isn't the most demonstrative and is from a family who don't show physical affection but shows his love in other ways:

By stroking my hair if I ask him.
Working hard and taking seriously his responsibilities as a father.
Taking on me, my dd and a shit load of emotional baggage.
Seeing domestic stuff as a shared responsibility and doing any chore that needs doing without being asked.
Listens to me.
Is willing to take on board my opinions.
Thinks I'm funny and laughs at my jokes.
Makes me laugh.
Puts up with my craziness and foibles.
Loves me despite my faults.
Texts and rings me for no reason.
Is an amazing Dad to our DS.
Gets up with the baby to give me a lie in.
Doesn't notice when attractive women flirt with him or fancy him.
Has no idea how gorgeous he is and thinks I'm gorgeous.
Is respectful of me.
Brings me flowers for no reason.
Gave up partying and going out when he met me.
Loving my family.
Cuddling me when I ask him or cuddle him.

After a succession of bastards I was due a change of luck and was very lucky to find him. I thank Cosmic Ordering!

Tonight, my DP was going outside to put the rubbish out. We live on a street that resembles the Towers in 'The Wire' 'at times and DP said' I'm a bit scared coz it sounds like they're settting off fireworks in the street' with a face. 'So if I don't come back, I love you'.

He's the cutest sometimes

Does all the ironing despite working a six day week, because he knows I hate it.

Is doing the aforementioned 6 day week so the DC get a special Christmas.

Once in a while he will sell a game or something just to buy me something nice. (Did I mention we are skint? )

The biggest one recently was that I fell asleep on the sofa, and woke up freezing. I went to bed, and even in his sleep , rather than recoiling from this block of ice I had become, he instinctively draped over me so I could steal his heat.

That's so sweet Martyr - all of it

Thanks Josie - He is a bit of a recluse and has a lot of social anxiety so a lot of people wonder why I am with him.

Well, now you know

:o josie, I posted to early y'day actually, last week we had to put my beloved dog to sleep, I was heart broken as was DS1, DP bless him asked if he was giving us the support we needed, I think someone who meets your needs and cares about your needs over their own is someone very special.

He doesn't have to 'show' me. Neither of us go in for big romantic gestures, we are both utterly unsympathetic when the other is ill, we don't make each other tea in bed. We just love and respect each other, support each other implicitly, have a laugh, bicker and shout on occassion, and have an imperfect happy marriage.

He Tells me he loves me
He tells the kids he loves them
He works a physically hard job with long and odd hours so he can provide us with everything we need and let me be a sahm
He takes over all the housework and childcare when I'm not feeling up to it
He never complains
He give me the remote for the Telly
He tells me to go shopping and shoves cash in my pockets
He plays with the children and laughs like a loon when they jump on him , even if they pull his hair.
He got the most ridiculous tattoos with the children's names insides stars , and a huge one of my name that covers his arm.
He shows his friends photos of me , and grins , like he did when we first got together.
He helps the kids with homework
He drives if I don't feel like it.
He tells me I'm clever and beautiful
He tells me he's glad he's married to me , and that he's never been so happy .
He makes me tea and coffee if I ask .
He brings me breakfast in bed .
He would do anything to make me happy .
He buys me flowers just because.
He dries my tears and makes me laugh .
He wears a certain aftershave because he knows it's my favorite , even though it's not his.
He make sure I'm not alone with ex-h , who was abusive ....when I have to have contact with him for kids access.
He is very gentle with me .
He pays the expenses for my car .
If I'm out with friends for a night out , he will be our taxi home even if we are in another city .....will make sure my buddies get home too
He doesn't get , but [grins] and says he's got the best wife out of all his friends.
He told mil I'm his number one girl !
He let's me wear his socks when I'm cold .
He doesn't complain if I wash his favorite jumper and shrink it , he laughed and said " I must have put on weight ".
He makes plans for the future and talks about "when we are old " a lot .
.

2 years, long distance:

Always emails me every single day. I wake up to a loving message from him every day.
When I am there, he mirrors my body language unconsciously!
Tells me he loves me a lot.
Sends me movie links.
Is very strong and gives great massages.
Knows when something is wrong and rings me up for a chat.
Is very calm and stable.
Doesn't criticise me.
Does things to look after me when I am with him.
Drove us both a really long way in the car (1000 miles) and I wasn't scared of his driving.
Never over reacts.
Is kind and caring towards me.

Mostly it's just that he's there through thick and thin, even tho its been only two years. Being funny and sweet and clever and loving.

Forgot to say, we went out to the bar to drink and play pool once and he let me take loads of shots one after the other! And then when I got really drunk, sat with me while I was sick and got me water and picked me up twice off the bathroom floor where I wanted to sleep (!!!) and took me really quickly to bed, so the awful walk was over with swiftly. He had cleared all the stuff off the bed, made it and even folded my side down!

Forgot ALSO - he tells me I am clever! Which coming from him, is a real compliment!

He:

Just does household stuff without being asked
Cooks

Tells me frequently he loves me
Sends me texts every morning (he works away during the week)
Puts out the rubbish and clears his mess up when he's doing DIY without me hassling him
Phones me from his bed when he's away so I'm the last voice he hears

He's just the best.

DH and I have been together for 10 years, and I've got a big smile on my face just thinking about how lovely he is.

• He regularly works late night shifts, and he always gets undressed in the cold bathroom so as not to wake me by putting the light on to go to bed.
• He got up early one day this week to make me a cooked breakfast when I had a big event on
• He attends all my concerts, even though he doesn't like the music I play
• He hugs me every day and tells me I'm the best
• When he hears me start to do the washing up (he knows I don't like it as a household chore), he comes through to the kitchen and takes it over
• And endless little things :)

Says I love you lots
Notices what I'm doing and offers to help (such as holding the buggered warped door closed so it's easier for me to lock it)
Reads my son bedtime stories even though it upsets him as he can't do it with his own kids every night
Hugs me lots
Lets me chunter on about everything
Sends lots of messages when he's not around
Spent his precious spare time finding the exact right shade of material for my new blinds (I'd been looking for 2 years) and insisted on paying for it
Surprises me with tickets for things I'd like
Doesn't let me push him away when his ex has upset me
If I need to buy anything, he'll find me the best deal
Smiles when we make eye contact when we're out

He's my reward for an unhappy marriage.