Cant seem to make DH understand

[jenk1]

that babies and children need a bedtime routine.

ATM he puts dd-20months to bed, she plays him up for over an hour crying and shouting for him and he runs up and down and eventually gives up when i have to go up and put her down-and she stops messing about when i go up cos she knows i wont take any nonsense.

He also changes her routine-take last night for instance, he decided to put her in our bed and watch tv with her till 9pm, which i wasnt happy about at all because she will now think its accecptable to do this.

He,s not just like this with dd its with everything, he starts up something and cant be bothered to follow it through-its driving me mad we are not speaking at the moment.

Any suggestions?

I just have to take over & organise all the bedtime routine, directing DH for parts of it. He has been better in the past, but right now is the sort who couldn't organise a pissup in a brewery, so I have to do it. Annoying, but maybe one day he'll get it.

very frustrating for you when youve prob been with the kids all day and want some "me time" in the evening. does he work all day and want to see her for longer in the evening?my sisters hubby puts her 3 under 5s to bed every nite, my sister loves it as its a stressful time at bedtime isnt it,her hubby is quite strict so it works for them.

i would rather do the bedtime routine but its the only thing he does, he finishes work at 2pm and i dont expect anything from him but to just help out a bit, tonight she has only just gone to sleep 5 mins ago and this is because i told him to stop being soft and do controlled crying, but at least he,s done it.

I like the time after 6pm to unwind as i am with the kids most of the day and i get up in the night with dd as well, hopefully it will get better.

praps swap the chores with daughter as he finishes early. could he do playtime say from 3to5 while you hide in your bedroom and relax (or in reality do the hoovering etc!)then he could try his hand at cooking the tea while you bath her and while hes washing up you could read her a story and get her to sleep. sounds wonderful in writing doesnt it!

I think its a 'man thing'!! My DH used to be like that (not quite as bad as your DH jenk1). It did finally sink in after a while when he could see how much better the kids were with routines and how much easier our life was when the kids had routine. Now he complains about friends of ours whose kids have no routine!!!!

I did nag and nag for ages to try and make him understand that the kids needed routines but it did no good. Only time and experience showed him and changed his mind.

It is hard work and my DH is the same. The 2 ds's are in bed by 7pm with my routine and they dont wake til 8am.

With DH, ds is up and about and has extra stories and snacks and water etc and is still up at 8pm which makes me cross.

Dunno what to say really.

I don't think it's a man thing, I think that's an excuse by men to get out of doing something which often isn't that enjoyable. My dh does the put down virtually every night (and I must admit, does the night feed as well, although I get up and make the bottle and then wake him up).

Jenk1, if your dh is finishing work at 2pm (presumably with a v early start) I do think you are letting him off a bit easy not getting him to help out more in the afternoon. Like virtually every working mum I know, I come home at 5:30 and it's straight into kid stuff and then the bedtime routine.

Don't suppose you want to hear this, but so many women don't get that level of support from their husbands/partners. My DH puts DS to bed when he is here, which is lovely. But when DH is not here it's not so lovely as I have usually got up at 4.30 to go to work and then pick up DS at 5 which is excruciating (shouldn't moan really as we could go and live in a council flat and have everything paid). I am tired at that point and I have to say, when my DH comes in at 7 (he commutes too) I hand my DS over without a thought. It's really really good that your partner is taking an interest.