Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has he actually made a move?

19 replies

confusedrelationship · 30/10/2011 12:34

I posted a couple of weeks ago about a possible relationship with a muslim guy, and he had asked me out for dinner.

We were meant to go but then something came up and I couldn't make it, and we went back to our flirting at work, pretty much nothing had changed. Anyway a couple of nights ago at work I had to move my car as he was leaving and I was blocking him in, so I did, he wound down his car window, I went over to say bye, gave him a kiss on the cheek but then he kissed me on the mouth.

Anyway, that was that, but now we're just back to flirting. Do I bring it up? Make a move? Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedrelationship · 30/10/2011 14:09

bump

OP posts:
Bangtastic · 30/10/2011 14:24

Ask him whether he would like to rearrange the dinner. Or waste more time flirting and being frustrated at it not going nowhere. Easy choice!

loopylou6 · 30/10/2011 14:28

Deffo rearrange the dinner date.

SirSugar · 30/10/2011 18:21

Just read your other thread which you mentioned here.

This is more a response to your previous thread; any relationship where two people are culturally the same may be difficult, and any relationship where there are significant cultural differences, if the relationship goes awry those differences magnify significantly.

I was married to a muslim (he passed away last year ). I would never go there again.

And, I wouldn't ask him for dinner; if you want to see him let him ask you. My H had lived here for more than half his life yet his views on behaviour and class were what he grew up with and understood from his family and culture.

I could be flamed for these comments, but I have a thick skin, I grew it when with my H. I realise you cannot judge an entire culture yada yada. When I was young my great Uncle used to say 'never marry a catholic', I never really understood what he was talking about until now; it was a comment about 'stick to your own kind'. With hindsight, I wish I had listened.

You could have a wonderful relationship with this man, but tread carefully should you chose to become involved and never lose sight of yourself; if you see red flags, as you should with anyone, get out quick.

ImperialBlether · 30/10/2011 19:25

Why did you kiss him on the cheek?

Are you prepared to have a relationship with someone whose culture and values are so different to your own?

MangoMonster · 30/10/2011 19:32

Rearrange the dinner and get to know him better, then make a decision.

cuppatea2 · 30/10/2011 19:34

and ae you prepared to have a relationship with someone who will most liekly be keeping you a shameful scret from the rest of his life?

SirSugar · 30/10/2011 19:49

I knew a muslim man who confided to me that he had had various british girlfriends however he wanted a virgin bride Hmm

MangoMonster · 30/10/2011 19:52

Not all Muslims are the same? Confused am I missing a vital piece of information?

SirSugar · 30/10/2011 20:00

Yes, not all muslims are the same. Married to one I got used to studying them and I would never date another

cuppatea2 · 30/10/2011 20:16

not all the same but am sure statistical analysis would prove my point!!!

SirSugar · 30/10/2011 20:54

We had friends - the husband was Iraqi and his wife was Iranian. The wife, clearly the smarter of the pair took care of everything in the home, the children, went out to work and dealt with the finances. The husband, who had been in UK since he was a boy used to bark orders at her from his chair and discount her views. He wanted her to cover up as well in traditional Iraqi dress( which she refused to do )

I guessed one day they would split, mentioned this to my H who told me that I understood nothing. Well, they split. The husband dispatched his sisters to Iraq to find a new bride, which they found for him. They are living happily ever after back in Iraq.

Last I heard of his ExW was she had remarried an Englishman.

MangoMonster · 30/10/2011 21:01

Have I missed a previous thread that insinuated this guy was in any way not pleasant to Op? If not, I think you should all wind your necks in. I know many people how have mixed marriages/relationships that work well. My parents being one of them. Get over your prejudices and let OP find out about the guy for herself.

SirSugar · 30/10/2011 21:22

Being 'prejudiced' works both ways IME

Original poster
confusedrelationship · 31/10/2011 00:07

Thanks for the replies! I won't lie a reason I am so hesitant about the relationship is that I am wary of the cultural differences, but on the other hand I do like him. I do get the sense however, that he may be controlling

OP posts:
SolidGoldVampireBat · 31/10/2011 00:38

IF you think he might be controlling before you've even been on a date with him just run the fuck away.

AnyPhantomFucker · 31/10/2011 09:14

You "sense" all this before you have even been on a date ?

You have to ask a bunch of internet imps what a "kiss" means ?

Love, this is said kindly, but you sound completely ill equipped to cope with all the ramifications around...

  1. a cross cultural relationship

  2. being aware enough of red flags to protect reasonable personal boundaries

Have you just emerged from a long and/or shite relationship, by any chance ?

babyhammock · 31/10/2011 09:14

You've posted twice now and you haven't even been on a date so your heckles are up for a reason.... listen to them x

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 31/10/2011 09:36

Never ignore gut feelings. They are there to protect you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page