H has been gone for 2 weeks .... feeling really low

[TiredOfGoingRoundInCircles]

So H moved out 2 weeks ago and we've had no contact since then. I've been doing OK although have cried most days :( Feel really low today, I'm struggling so much with whether this is the right thing to be doing. I can't see my future without him, we had so many plans, can't believe they're all gone :(
original thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1315187-I-just-cant-decide-what-to-do

No wonderful advice to give, but have a virtual hand-hold and a until someone wise comes along...

Things will get easier and the pain will ease with time, you are going throught he grieving process and as every day passes things will get that bit easier and you will find yourself crying less.

thank you, I'm just going to try to keep busy today to take my mind off things. It all just feels so wrong :(
Will probably be better tomorrow because I'll be at work :-S

Like Fabby said, you are grieving for the marriage that was, and for the marriage that you thought you'd have. I'm so sorry.

For now, I'd suggest looking after yourself. Basic stuff - making sure you eat properly, get enough sleep and spend some time with friends if you can. Treat yourself kindly. It will take time, but it will get easier.

Hi read your thread and in all honesty not sure where to start.

In short you are doing the right thing because whilst lots of people live uncoventional lives and have all kinds of relationship set ups the key to them being happy is that they are consensual. In your case your h wants to live his life in a way that is at odds with what you want. It sounds like you have given him a great deal of space both literally and emotionally to work through this and "come back" to you but it has been to no avail.

I wont comment on whether he has been selfish and cruel or if he comes across as a good man because when you think about it doesnt matter because his choices have made you unhappy and its no way for you to live.

My situation is different , my xh left us for an ow almost 2 years ago , its been quite a journey recovering and working through everything with some difficult stages to get through. However you will get through and truly you will be happy again even though that may sound unlikely now.

Also like me you know you did everything possible to make the marriage work in spite of what was going on so you will always know that and in the long run it does help.

It is so hard to let go of the future you assumed you would have especially after such a long marriage but soon you will realise that actually a future free from the kinds of dramas you have to deal with for so long is far more attractive.

In the meantime just take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself

Thank you for those very thoughtful posts. I've kept myself quite busy today, so its not been too bad.

Onemorning yes I need to be kind to myself.
gettingeasier your point about one day at a time is a very good one - I'm very bad at that, I'm the sort of person that likes to have things sorted out, and that's just not possible at the moment because I'm not sure where I'm going, so I'm going to try hard to remember 'one day at a time'. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but glad that you seem to be getting through it now, it's encouraging to hear.

Hi tired. I have also been living without my h for 2 weeks and its tough isnt it. I found out 2 weeks ago that he'd been having an affair for 18 months so I asked him to leave. He says he loves me more and is sorry but atm I don't know what I want. Like you and your h we had been together a long time and its hard to think of a future without him after so many years of planning one with him. We are going to start counselling tomorrow and h is also going to have counselling to look at the issues underlying his behaviour. This is not the first affair he's had although he swears its the only time he's been unfaithful to me.

I don't know what the future holds for us. I still love him but Im not sure I want to share my life with a man who has treated me with so little respect for so long and has lied every day for 18 months. Like you and your h we still get any really well and that messes my head up too.

It a real roller coaster ride emotionally for me atm and I expect its the same for you. Ive had a good couple of days this weekend but spent much of thursday and friday in tears :( I think you've done the right thing and it shows that you are stronger than you think. Ive found redecorating MY bedroom to be very theraputic and on good days even quite fun. Im looking forward to reclaiming that space as my own and making it into a peaceful haven.

Perhaps we can support each other through these early weeks when things are still so raw.

Hi dusty, thanks and have some
Yes, its definitely a roller coaster, it would be easier if I knew what I wanted, but I really don't :(
But, I had to smile at you redecorating the bedroom - when I moved back home 2 weeks ago, I moved all the furniture round in the bedroom and threw out all the cr@p that's been in there since we moved house 10 years ago! Definitely therapeutic and it's a really nice room now instead of being depressing. Going to get DS1 to repaint the window for me - he needs the money, :o

Hi tired. I hope today was a better one for you xx