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Original poster

What activities do you do together as a family and how do you get everyone to join in (without bribery or threats?!)

27 replies

Misspiggy · 28/12/2005 23:14

I have 2 DSs 15 and 9 plus DH who is step dad to DSs (we've been married for 2.5 years) We v rarely seem to do anything as a family, especially at the weekends. As an example, we have spent all day today vegetating indoors when I would have loved to have gone for a long walk. DH insists that everyone is the same and that no one would be able to find something that a teenager,a 9 yr old and 2 adults would all want to do. I often wonder if it is because we are a step family (DH and DS2 do not get on) It's not so bad for DS1 as he tends to do his own thing with his friends but I really feel for DS2, plus my backside is growing at a scarily fast rate due to it being parked on the sofa so much! Seriously, it does get to me,any ideas?

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 28/12/2005 23:16

Why can't you go and do things you want to do with however many children want to join you?

kalexcelsis · 28/12/2005 23:17

We go walking alot.

rummum · 28/12/2005 23:19

DD is 9
DS is 7

In the summer we all go for bikerides....
We've all just played buzz on the PS2 tonight..
We all went to the pictures on christmas eve to see Harry Potter..

sallyhollyberry · 28/12/2005 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cab · 28/12/2005 23:21

Just a few suggestions: Cycling, hillwalking, ice skating, boogy boarding, ski-ing, sailing, movies, tennis, swimming, climbing, adventure park type weekends, gardening, eating, monopoly, emmmm

WideWebWitch · 28/12/2005 23:21

ds is 8, dd is 2, ds isn't dh's. We walk quite a lot, they don't get a choice. We also watch films together, cook together, play Jenga together.

Janh · 28/12/2005 23:25

9 and 15 are very different ages and can be hard to accommodate even without step-parents. My DSs are 17 and 12 and we still have probs doing things all together sometimes, because DS2 acts like a 12-yr-old or worse and drives us all nuts!

If there is something you and your DS2 would enjoy together then just do it - the other 2 can join in or not as it suits them. And if there are things they would like to do together, ditto. Your DH is right really - there are points throughout family life when everybody doesn't fit together. Don't be anxious about it, just try to do things with whoever wants to, as and when.

cab · 28/12/2005 23:25

Just a few more: Footall or rugby games, table tennis, snooker, basketball, archery, kite flying or bridge or chess.

sallyhollyberry · 28/12/2005 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rummum · 28/12/2005 23:30

How about things you can have a laugh doing... like ice/rollerskating....

Swimming pools with the flumes and waves..

someone suggested bowling...

Original poster
Misspiggy · 28/12/2005 23:49

Thanks for all the suggestions - CAB, that's a brilliant list. I know it must sound like I have no imagination , I do but if I make a suggestion it's usually met with apathy from at least one person! So pleased it isn't just us Janh. I think I maybe need to accept that you can't please everyone. DH and DS1 go to the football together on a Sat and DS2 and I usually go to the cinema or something similar. Maybe I have this idealised vision of happy families and need to get real!

OP posts:
cab · 28/12/2005 23:59

Misspiggy just remind me of those lists in a few years' time - I've got a similar age gap to deal with - but 2 dds much younger than yours. I'm the lazy slob in our family - sometimes we slobs (moi and your dh) just need a bit of advanced warning to prepare ourselves for 'family' days out. (Hated them as a kid so need to push myself a bit as a parent - but not often enough!)

Original poster
Misspiggy · 29/12/2005 00:10

CAB. I used to hate family days out when I was a kid as well - perhaps my 2 are the same and I'm scarring them for life!

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 29/12/2005 00:25

Just say "I'm going to go to xxx, anyone else in?" and then leave and do whatever it was you wanted to do. Other people optional. If they all choose to stay indoors, well, better being out in the fresh air by yourself than trying to motivate 3 other grumpy people into having a good time.

What about you get to choose every 4th time what you do (may have to set budget, or other rules). If anyone chooses sitting on fat bottoms then they have wasted their turn and next on list gets to choose.

I personally can't see why the ages you have described can't all go for a walk or a bike ride.

cab · 29/12/2005 00:25

Aha - there's a good excuse for me to be lazy!

Original poster
Misspiggy · 29/12/2005 00:34

CAB - don't encourage me Bobby, good idea about taking turns, think I'll give that a go. I wouldn't be able to do the bike ride as I'm 41 and can't ride a bike, much to DH's amazement. Maybe that's a good reason to learn..can you get stabilisers for adults?!

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 29/12/2005 00:38

Maybe no bike riding needs to be one of the rules - though it would be excellent teenage revenge for a long walk!

I have a list for ds to choose from (he's nearly 3). It's now become an enormous list of at least 30 different indoor and outdoor thing, all of which are low cost or free, or we have an annual pass. Obviously your list would be completely different because of the ages.

cab · 29/12/2005 00:45

No stabilisers required. Just come up with the suggestion, don a flowing dress and gracefully prepare the picnic while they do the hard work.

Seriously tho' I acquired a stepdad in my mid teens and don't ever remember having a day out or holiday with him, but I do love him to bits. Think I might have appreciated doing something with him one to one but would rather have swum in pig sh** than gone out with the whole family!

Original poster
Misspiggy · 29/12/2005 00:46

Hmmm...I like your thinking on those rules! I think we'll all sit down tomorrow and compile a list.

OP posts:
Original poster
Misspiggy · 29/12/2005 00:49

Ooh...a swim in pig sh**. There's one for the list

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 29/12/2005 01:39

Swimming in water would be nice though.

Original poster
Misspiggy · 29/12/2005 14:41

I know - both DSs love swimming but as DH can't swim we tend not to go any more. Must get out of this mindset that everyone has to join in otherwise we do nothing. Well, we're just going off now for that walk. DS1 isn't interested (fair enough!) but DS2 is looking forward to it so should be nice. Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:
bobbybobbobbingalong · 29/12/2005 18:01

You can't bike, he can't swim - fair enough you'll have to take turns. I don't think there is anything you can do together is DS1 won't walk - however my fondest memories are of doing something with just one parent.

Original poster
Misspiggy · 29/12/2005 18:19

We must sound like a right pair...can't ride a bike, can't swim LOL! We had a lovely walk this afternoon and intend doing it a lot more. I'm going to sit down with the boys tonight to do a list of things they might like to do in future so we don't waste half the day debating what to do with it!

OP posts:
fairyjay · 29/12/2005 19:20

Truth is, we all have these great ideas of family times together, but finding the energy - especially after a few weeks of chasing around etc. - is hard!