What is wrong with these women and how can I help my friend?

[atosilis]

Keeping this very short.

BF is currently undergoing therapy for cancer and has a 3 year old daughter with her DH. Her DH has a daughter (17) with an ExP. ExP left DH when SD was 2. He was devastated and did everything to keep in contact with his daughter. They were never married. She took a brand new BMW when she left.

BF's MIL is the living descendant of Machiavelli. MIL and ExP have become best mates since BF met DH.

DH's business has gone down the drain and maintenance is paid by BF.

ExP is now demanding more money. BF rang me in tears on Fri asking for some money for them to last the weekend.
She didn't have enough money to pay to get to the hospital for the therapy.
Oh, BF's mum also has cancer (another kind), BF is breaking down.

BF and DH met when SD was 9.

I can't bear seeing her so ill and so upset. What sort of women hound another woman, literally, to death?

Constructive and positive advice please, how can I physically help her?

Sorry to bring this back up again but I'm gobsmacked.

These 2 women have NEVER asked my friend how the radiotherapy is going. MiL has never offered to help with childcare or wished her well.

Today a note came under the door from SD (she and exP live 2 hours away) thanking DH and DD for birthday money. Writing notes, sticking them under doors and not acknowledging BF exists. How can women do this to another woman with cancer? Unbelievable.

Is it not the tiniest bit possible that these women have had years of being lied to and let down by the H to the extent that they may not believe in the BF's cancer, simply because the H has fed them so many bullshit excuses? Where the fuck is he in this situation?

SGVB, where is there any suggestion at all that the man has lied in any of this?

Your friend is NOT liable for her DH's maintenance and she should simply not pay. The CSA cannot pursue her for his liability so she should stop giving his ex money and let them fight it out with her H. The children in the house dont take priority over his other children BTW, but there is a formula which makes allowances for them. Her H sounds a bit spineless in all this

So sorry to say this OP but you are taking too much on your own shoulders! It is obvious that you care very much and worry about your BF but just care for her in her illness and don't get involved with all the other problems! Let them all sort it out themselves! Best wishes to you and your friend

Squeaky: Generally, there are a lot more lazy, selfish, disengaged NRP fathers than there are wicked scheming women. But the OP makes no mention at all of what the H is doing to help this situation, apart from expecting his current partner to pay for the child of his previous relationship, which made me inclined to at least ask how much use he is.

Obviously your BF should not pay one penny more that the amount required by the CSA and should refuse to allow herself to feel or be pressured by her dh's ex-p.

I suggest you post on the legal board because it seems to me that something is seriously amiss if your friend is living in such hardship that she cannot afford to attend her cancer therapy because the CSA require her to pay child support for her dsd.

Whatever decision any government agency makes - and more especially decisions made by agencies that not fit for purpose - can and should be appealed.

I would also suggest that your BF seeks support from Macmillan nurses in respect of her condition and treament as they can advise on claiming any benefits that she is entitled to - and this also applies to your BF's dm.

I agree that your friends DH needs to go back to the csa if they are taking so much they cannot live.

I don't understand the DH role in all of this. Shouldn't he be sorting it out and leaving your friend to get the treatment she needs without this stress?

I'm sorry but I think your friends husband is lying to her. The CSA cannot & will not use her income for child maintenance, if the business has gone under & he has no income then a nil liability would be put in place if he has told them he is no longer earning. They would ask how he was supporting himself but legally cannot use a partners income.

It sounds very much like he has not informed the CSA of the change in his circumstances & is then getting your friend to pay the maintenance.

If you would like more info pm me.