ex's parents why?

[seriouschanger]

I can understand ex is total waste of space...but why did ex parent's decide not to see their only gs at the same time ex said no more contact...after seeing ds weekly and becoming close to them also....ds adored them esp gf who was the only male left in ds life so v important role model.

Why? why send me a solicitor letter to say they don't wish to see ds(age 5) again...so hurtful! This was 2.5yrs ago and nothing not a thought! The gm was a HT of a primary school for over 40 yrs and retired and the gf a retired teacher's assistant too...so heartless so cold so sad:(

There has to be more to this....I can't see gp's just cutting off contact like that.

Did they give any reasons?...

:( for your DS

Might you ex have told them that your ds isn't his son?

Perhaps your ex gave his parents an ultimatum, him or your son? either way it's shit :(

ds returned from visits and trashed home/school and attacked his male teacher...ds had not done this for a whole 8 months....the last time ex had ds in fact....then 2 weeks later when out ds said ex had taken ds to restaurant for dinner ds 4yrs barely verbal and used one word to describe DS: "Chips" ME: "Where?" DS: "there" ME: "who took you there for chips? DS "Daddy"....
I got solicitor to write to ex to explain that his gluten and dairy free diet which was medically prescribed should be followed (ex other younger dd was on same diet at time so he knew it well) as effected ds behaviour and bowels for months and was in pain due to the weeks of diarrhea following the food. Ex knew ds could only eat chips in one place...but took ds to opposite restaurant (other side of road) and fed ds gluten based foods. It was suggested ex took ds between meals if he did not understand the diet and how it works. They all replied saying they wanted no more contact.

I think ex was doing stuff all along to abuse ds but only when ds eventually able to express the abuse innocently and just (one words) that ex had no more use of ds to abuse as ds now verbal to say...more came out two years later re physical abuse but the grandp's never ever did anything to hurt ds and were very good...giving ds their time once a week for half a day and me a rest as ds difficult back then severely autistic.

Ds has come on so much and I am so proud of ds but sad the gp's decided to cut all contact with their ds (The letter was not directed to the grandp's).

no they knew it was ex's as ex did a paternity test (did my signature on the form)

Might have said you wont see gd again if you carry on seeing gs maybe?

Maybe they're fucking idiots and don't see 'different chips' as being important a reason to get a solicitors letter over.

They likely don't believe in your son's allergies - lots of people are stupid and don't.

I'm so sorry, that's awful for your DS.

Laurie...they were good with ds allergies...ex took ds on own and fed allergy based foods to ds...they were not like this...I just don't get it! The last visit the GP's and ex did however... Ds came back with one of ex's dd nappies on (18 months younger and skin blistered from the sticky tape on his belly and soaking wet as nappy slipped as to tight to even do up....also ds dummy had scratches on it (they had 3 cats and it looks like it was used as a toy for them?) when I went to give ds a new dummy ds vomited when I put the new one near ds mouth and never touched a dummy again (ex had written to my solicitor before that last visit to complain ds had a dummy still - ds had bad oral sensory issues so I bought I chewie tube which I found from SN children MNs after as ds chewing everything pencils/electrical wires/everything in ds mouth.

What do you think was done to the dummy to get that reaction from your son? They might have dipped it in something distasteful or an emetic. Possibly some punishment was meted out to DS if he put pacifier in mouth.

This situation is very sad. I think it shows that in this case the love of a parent for their son trumps their love for their gc. Don't you wonder what they have been told?

Shame on the GPs for raising such a son, and for treating GS like they did.

yep, shame on them, not on you or DS. Sounds like you're better off without them all.

I agree, shame on them for raising such a son, and a bigger shame on them for failing as grandparents.

Thank you for all your replies. The dummy was shredded and scratched like they gave it to the cats to play with knowing I only gave one dummy and they gave it back like that full of hairs and disgusting...I think ds choked on the hairs:(

I would have liked to have thought they were innocent in all this but is opening my eyes that I had more to blame them for than just ex!

Why treat your only gs like this whom a bond for yrs have developed and just drop gs in a flash...ds now 7 and doing really really well now High Functioning..I feel so sad they never got to see ds talk or succeed starting school and how much he came along....I guess your replies shows that to have raised such a parasite that is un-emotional angry and evil they have a lot to take the praise for their raising of their ds...just like my ds whom is full of love, strong, brave and a beautiful boy that ds continues to make huge strides every day and week that everyone sees his amazing personality, courage and determination to be the best he can.

They have missed so much...I don't think they even have the emotions to even care...now I guess that is where I see ex comes from!! But their own flesh and blood I still can't believe how 'cold' they have been when they allowed ds to build that relationship and just stop dead?. It is the cruellest a gp can be to a dgc.

So, 2.5 years later...you seem incredibly raw. Has something happened recently to upset you?

Good question Balia...after spending 5 yrs working with ds at home and now in school recently ds has gone from strength to strength....if anything I am so happy....I never had space in my head to even think of anyone/thing else only getting ds functioning at a level that school was in reach...I was told ds would never talk...that rips your soul out as a mum to a 2yr old (only dc)...anyway 5 yrs later hundreds of thousands of hours of therapy at home done intensive ds does talk now...ok 2-3 yrs behind in talking but the development is amazing and I am the proudest mum on planet earth at the moment.
The last week I have been reflecting on ds journey and where ds is now....I am just sad that the grandparents don't know how well their dgs is doing and that dgs is now in school and really happy and has at last has friends in school/out of school. They just cut the tie with ds they don't even acknowledge ds existence their only and first gc!

I was thinking of writing to them to let them know how ds has got on....but will I just be wasting my time or opening a bad can of worms....if they are as bad as ex (who was attacking my home that only stopped this year due to cctv but carried on insulting me via his website)...I thought they might be happy to know how well ds has done? But I guess not even a birthday present for ds since he was 4yrs old ...gives my answer? I really don't know if I should just leave it be?

The grandmother and ex did go to SS to try and get ds put in care when they stopped contact with ds initally (ds 3.5yrs they said the therapy was abusive - teaching ds to talk/hold a pencil/draw/play etc and I was abusive to ds making up all these nasty lies that ds was swearing...I wish! ds couldn't speak at that time and any words I would have been blessed with ex was saying ds was saying 'I love you Daddy'...ds couldn't say one word never mind 4 in a row...it was total rubbish!) it was awful and I had to have a investigation by SS because of their convincing allogations and gm a HT for over 40 yrs she new the score/what to say etc....after the second time they reported me to SS for abuse and neglect (again ds 4th birthday) SS then put in a 'plan' to protect me....I hated them for a long time for this...but that was when ds was 3.5yrs old....and I did allow contact then for the 3 visits when ds was 5 yrs old via solicitor...that is when they sent the letter saying the 3 of them (ex,gm & gf) did not wish to see ds again.

I would have nothing to do with them, they have caused you a lot of problems in the past. Blooming heck they rang social services, and got your son on a plan, that can't have been easy. What on earth do you want them in your life for again? are you despirate for more abuse from them with further false allegations?

thanks tranquil I think having to rewrite things that I forgot...as had bigger fish to fry with ds over the years that it seems 'tiny' but now I have written down/recapped yes it looks bad....what was I thinking? Trying to see the 'good' but sometimes their isn't....lucky ds doesn't ask about them...if I reintroduced them and it went horrible again as ds 7 functioning/understanding more it could be traumatized situation for ds and can't risk this esp as could cause regression. Ds is the happiest I have seen him and I would never rock the boat....thanks everyone it helps to have the 'see from the outside' as to many trees to see clearly what is best sometimes. I will leave it be...I don't feel so bad now not contacting them to let them know how well there dgs is doing in school/life etc I feel I have put this issue to bed and stop feeling guilty that I have not shared ds success with them...as it may open a bad can of worms etc and ds would be the most hurt by this.

So sad for your ds and hurtful for you....It's early days for us, arse husband having left on Friday, after a horrendous kick off on Thurs on Holiday, (see other thread) Mil, pdwarf for short, did not see all that went on, but saw dd in a terrible state. This is her only grandchild, and 3 days later has not even rung dd, on dds phone, or me, to see how she is. She DOES believe the sun shines out of Golden Balls, and despite hearing about acts of dv in the car on the way home (Ah was not denying them, just saying they were justified) will probably have re-written history to avoid coping with the alternative. There may be similarities for you?

It must be hard to admit you have reared an Abusive Arsehole, partly through your own parenting (in my case).

tranquil no sorry I write as as I say and it can be muddled....SS did a 'plan' to protect me and ds from the GM and EX who after second time reporting me for abuse....was clear they were being nasty making untrue claims, they didn't want ds they just wanted ds in care. Maybe it was so the court order for maintenance (that ex is still on run from for 6 yrs) ex would not have to then pay if ds in 'care of the authority'??.....so if they phoned SS hotline they were directed to ds SW and they were reassured ds was fine....and no information re ds school etc was disclosed to ex/gm as they went to ds 1st school and had meeting about my 'abuse' to ds (ds went for 45 minutes a day) he tried to settle but failed and with gm/ex bad mouthed me to HT...and well gm being a HT for over 40 yrs ...well they stick together don't they...after that meeting (which SS informed me of it not school...the HT treated me awful and ds left shortly after as not tolerated their....total discrimination but did not have the energy to fight them or wanted my dc in a school that the HT had it in for me due to being fed rubbish!

Oh blimey Serious - you poor things... Think you're absolutely right not to get in touch - the impact on DS could be awful. And maybe keep some (slightly sanitised) account of this for when DS grows up, so he understands why they're not in his life and why you haven't encouraged contact? Not the 'they're evil and you don't want to know them' but 'they have a lot of problems and they weren't safe for you to know/hurt you'?

And well done for the huge strides in your DS's development - you're right to be proud

Oh dear Parsley another attention seeking nasty man...you are well rid...I fear though your exh will be back to cause trouble can smell the rat...I guess from reading my thread you can guess where mil will be laying her priorities! Again sorry for your dd esp as older and is getting damaged by this...I am blessed ds was very young. Although he would never want to go with ex as he remembers the abuse but remembers a loving gf at same time:(

thank you PerAr I am so proud of the strength and courage ds had and my prayers being answered and it coming together of years of desperate worry.

It is the grandparents loss....ds knows that seeing grandparents he has to see ex and he doesn't want to see his dad ever again....I would never allow ex within visual view of ds so this has to be the same treatment for grandparents as they see their prodical son as can do no wrong!

Ds and I have have my wonderful dm to celebrate the happiness so not alone, thankfully it is just ds cirlce of 'family' support is just me and my dm!

serious, you're definitely better off without them in your life. What vile people.

Congratulations on your DS's progress, it sounds as if he is doing brilliantly with your help.