So... am a reg, but have name changed. I feel very lonely and just need some hand holding from lovely mumsnetters right now. I hope that some of you will have had some more (and positive!) experiences than I have with counselling as a couple, or with living with mental health issues. I realise its a bit complicated :(
The relate session was very emotional, unsurprisingly. Bit of background: DH has ongoing depression, currently medicated with citalopram (20mg). I have a history of an ED (anorexia/bulima), treated by CBT, managed long term with the support of a 12step eating disorders group. Been in recovery 5 years. I was in recovery when DH and I met, but still early days - physically still unwell, ie v. small.
That's all relevant background I feel, because today, DH said that in his mind, the problem is a) he feels no desire for me at all, including both spending time with me, and physically/sexually and b) hasn't felt that way since I was visibly pg. DS is now 15mo. I asked if my weight has anything to do with it and he said yes (I was anorexic, now I'm on the upper end of normal, still a size 12, not exactly huge!!)
I am reeling. I feel like his medication (that he takes erratically, if at all) or his depression has something to do with his lack of interest in life - he can basically 'cope' with anything that doesn't challenge him, superficial friends, playing football etc... anything challenging, eg, me and DS, are too much. But I don't know what to do. Do I try and work with him to get some balance with his depression, and not take this statement at face value, or do I look at the man I loved enough to marry, gain weight, get pregnant and have a child with, and see someone who wants me to be skinny and ill and 'back to who I was' before I became a mum, responsible, and adult??
I feel like he is either ill, or a total fuckwit who doesn't want to grow up, be responsible, or show an interest in the life he said he wanted with me. Am I being too black and white? Should I accept that men dont like babyweight and try and do something about it, in a healthy way? Or do I go with my gut feeling and say grow up you sad bastard my weight isn't about you!!
Other relevant background: He is a final year student (went to uni with my backing, financial as well as emotional). I work. He doens't have ANY friends with children, and refuses to meet mine. He has been ducking out of spending time with me and DS, having parties at our house and getting smashed.
I have a horrible sinking feeling and don't know if relationship counselling with help, or if it's wishful thinking. Praying someone who has come back from the brink come along and encourage me to persevere... I feel like giving up. But I didn't get married and bring a baby into the world just to flounce off at the first sign of trouble... aaargh. It sucks so much :(