and baby makes 3...

[burningcandles]

but, 11 months after the birth, when can I expect things to improve between me and DH?

I am so snappy and horrible through lack of sleep which has got worse since I went back to work. DH says I am constantly being a bitch towards him. I lose my temper and mutter horrible things about him under my breath :(

On the flip-side all the things I used to put up with like him needing constant instruction to get any housework done and so on are now 10 times more irritating.

He needs me to be nicer, I need him to accept that he thinks he helps more than he actually does and he needs to start helping me more.

How do we go about not killing eachother in the process - I really love him and he really loves me but this is all a bit crap.

I have namechanged.

Do you have any time at all together just as a couple to go out for dinner/a drink?

It is really hard post baby to find your connection again properly. It needs to be given time and attention that can be difficult to find.

It sounds very familiar to me. You're both really tired and winding each other up, it happened to me and my DH too. Lack of sleep is terrible, and by 11 months I'm not surprised you're finding things difficult. Is it just the baby that's keeping you awake? Or do you have to get up early for work? Maybe you could try to adjust your bedtime a bit or find some advice on your 11 month old's sleep patterns if they are a problem. We found that once we had uninterrupted sleep at night, things got a lot better.

basically, since I was pregnant DH has slept in the spare room because of his snoring. I co-sleep and if DH were to come back into the room he would maybe see how disrupted my sleep is. However the snoring would send me insane so it's just easier for me to keep co-sleeping (I am breastfeeding). The baby is going through a stage of waking a lot but even when he doesn't I wake up anyway - I think I have got into a weird habit of waking every 2 hours.

I am hugely irritable about the fact that DH gets hours of quality sleep.
It's worse since I went back to work (I do like being back in work though) and although DH will take the baby for an hour or two on weekend mornings I don't get to lie in.

He's offered to take the baby on Saturday while I lie in, so that will be great. He is trying and yes we do need to spend some time together alone.

when I say I don't get to lie in I mean I get up and then when DH has got up I go back to bed but he is going to change this and we are going to take it in turns.

I really feel for you! It's not surprising that you feel annoyed that your DH gets quality sleep. In fact, I'm expecting DC2 soon and am seriously in two minds whether or not to breastfeed the next one because I resented the lack of sleep so much last time and don't think I could manage DCs 1 and 2 during the day on my own with only 4 or 5 hours sleep at night. It's lovely if you're able to breastfeed but it does have its down sides.

Has your DH tried anything for the snoring? It might be he's not sleeping as well as you think if he snores badly. Also, how often is your baby feeding? Have you considered trying anything to help reduce the number of feeds, or stopping co-sleeping - it might be that he's waking just because he knows you're next to him? Just suggestions - I know feeding can be a personal thing. We found that once DS had moved out of our bedroom the number of feeds dropped and sleep improved for everyone.

It's good that you're trying to arrange to catch up on sleep at the weekends. It sounds like he's realised it's becoming a problem. I think if you can start to feel a bit more human again, catch up on some sleep and maybe have some time out together and a change of scenery, things should start to improve for you. As you say, you still love each other and it won't be like this forever. But I also think you need to look at how to move forwards by tackling the snoring and frequent feeds.

I think you may be right :( I want to breastfeed for at least a year and have been doing it responsively so basically I am an all night buffet for ds.