Nearly a year ago, I found out that my fiancé had cheated on me. He left the laptop on logged in to his email account and curiosity got the better of me. He'd been up all night messaging his ex. He didn't even come to bed because they were too busy talking - told me he didn't come to bed because he had a cough and didn't want to wake me.. The messages started off pretty innocent, then gradually got more personal. Started talking about what they missed about each other, she referred to me constantly as 'it' - he didn't once correct her. Then they got explicit. When I confronted him he confessed that he'd slept with her a few time between April and June (she even told me this in a message on Facebook [sometimes I really hate Facebook] but between him and me believing what I wanted to at the time I put it down to her being nasty), had kissed 3 other women, been intimate (but not sex) with 2 more and then of course these messages. Which actually started earlier in the day when they met to discuss his access to his daughter which ended in them kissing.
At the time I was devastated. All I could really focus on was the hurt and betrayal. After a few days we decided to stay together and work through it. Less than a week later we have a small disagreement and he storms out saying he's going to see his daughter. She was 6 months old and it was nearly 8 o'clock at night. By two in the morning he still wasn't home and I'd had enough so went to my Dads for a few days up north. He didn't come home until the next day and it took him 3 days to contact me and eventually after a few more days I came home. Whilst I was away I found out that he'd spent the night at his ex's again. He says he accidently called her at 3 in the morning cause he was drunk and trying to call a mate to get an address for a house party he was meant to be going to. She called him back and said since he couldn't find his way to his friends then he may aswell just stay at hers. He says he slept in her bed with his daughter and she slept on the couch... Then at New Year, we were still going through a rough patch. I spent New Years Eve at my mums and when I came home new years day he still wasn't back from his night out. He eventually came home about 6 in the evening. When I managed to ask him where he'd been he said he didn't remember.
Now its nearly a year later and all of sudden it all feels very fresh again. I cant get it out of my head. Im moody and unaffectionate. If he tries to be close to me I make excuses and busy myself. He's being very patient and put it down to hormones but if Im honest I want him to leave. However, since the begining of the year we've had no drama's, been perfectly happy actually.
Sorry this is so long but my question is: What do I do??/ I haven't told him any of this cause I dont want to be dredging up the past. How do I get over this????