Sigh

[tracyjacks]

Forced to name change due to recent events. Would like to talk about relationship with (d)h. Don't know where to start or even if this is a good idea. Pretty sure I am asking for a separation. Help me make sense of this x

Someone will be along soon who will be able to help you make some sense. Meanwhile, what exactly are the issues that you are concerned about?

If you are who I think you might be, it is a good idea.
I think it's cards on the table time, if you really think that your relationship is coming to an end, tell him and try and find a way to make separation as painless as possible.

How long have you been married and do you have dc - if so, how old are they?

Are the problems you're experiencing in your relationship due to his abuse of, or indifference to, you? Are there 'communication' problems? Is he, or you for that matter, a selfish, inconsiderate arse? Do you think he's having an affair? Have you met someone else?

Is there any particular reason why you are considering separation rather than divorce?

Whatever the difficulties or issues may be, would you consider joint counselling at Relate or similar in order minimise fall out if you split up or to see if you can revive what may be dead in the water?

As you can see from the above, if you don't give any info you'll be asked a lot of questions, many of which may not apply to your situation.

To get your story out, start at the beginning - you may find it cathartic.

didnt want to write the full story unless i was sure of a fair hearing i suppose.

malificence - this is a thread about a thread about a thread so yesi expect i am she.

i have one dd who is 2. i am considering divorce - the separation was just the first step.

the new name was a ref to my job which some people will get but i v much doubt dh would and or come across this in a vague search.

i dont know where to start but i do know what i need to find out which is can i change the locks on a rented property and can he do anything about it if i request that he doesnt stay here on return from work?

so far i have showed THAT thread to one friend who was pretty horrified. I am about to show it to another - both men, objectively. not expecting a great reaction this time either if that makes sense.

tbh the reaction on here made everything seem just ridiculous that i even tolerated any of that behaviour.

If you check the terms of your lease you'll no doubt discover that you cannot change the locks on a rented property without the prior permission of the landlord.

Is it a joint tenancy? If so, you can ask (d)h to leave and live elsewhere but there's no obligation on him to do so.

If he doesn't agree to leave, are you in a financial position to see up home elsewhere with dd in the near future?

You can change the locks, as long as you provide keys to the LL.

izzy - yes soon i will have money from sale of my own property - not a huge amount but enough for a deposit - few months rent and a car if he retains that.

herscary - yes i thought that was the case thanks

Is it a joint tenancy or solely in your name? You might want to talk to the LL about getting it into your name alone, give reasons, and then you have more say over who lives there. But you might also want to move, start afresh etc.

I think you are right to consider it. And I hope it goes well.

tracyjacks, no advice but I think I know who you are from the other thread. Big hugs xx

Tracyjacks, good luck and stay strong. Big hug x