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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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4 replies

mrsworsinger · 27/10/2011 09:07

Am trying to split with DH he has been abusive in the past (non violent) anyhow I commenced divorce proceedings with him saying he would never leave and never divorce. I then agreed that should he leave as soon as possible I would drop any divorce proceedings until after christmas. He orignally said he would be out by end of October this has now moved to mid november (because house he wants (out of budget) is not available to rent til then. Ok i agreed now his tenancy application on hold as he hasnt returned his declaration consent form which has been sitting on bed for past three days. As you can probably tell I am feeling somewhat confused and vulnerable. He has a history of cannabis use, tells me he is now a manic depressive and last weekend I found he had logged in under my name on internet and viewed websites about rape drugs!! If it was just me I would not hang about but we have three DC of which adore him and he would have no scruples in involving them in our troubles. Do I give him three weeks to move out which I fear he is showing no effort to meet or do I risk further confrontation and stand up to him now.

OP posts:
oldenoughtowearpurple · 27/10/2011 09:13

He is playing you. He will carry on playing you until you stand firm, at which point he will start playing dirty. It is very likely that to be free of him you will have to go through a very ugly stage. Get your support network sorted out - friends, family, solicitor, CAB - then stand up to him. Do it soon, but pick your moment.

So easy for me to say - but I do understand it's very hard to do. Keep your eyes on the prize of being free of him.

mrsworsinger · 27/10/2011 09:24

Thanks for that oldenoughtowearpurple I hear what you say and I guess when he said he would go I was hoping for the easy option ...

OP posts:
ScareyFairenuff · 27/10/2011 13:14

He is not going to leave. Sad

There will always be an excuse to 'delay' moving out.

I think you should start the divorce proceedings. It sounds like it will be a long and difficult process but will have to be done if you want to be free of this man.

Why do you think he is looking at date rape drugs? Shock. You should inform your solicitor about this as it may not be safe for you to stay in the house with him. Or it may be possible for him to be forced to leave if your safety is an issue.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 27/10/2011 13:37

Can you print out or save the stuff on date rape drugs? He's given you a gift there if you can - grounds to have him forcibly removed from the house and barred from returning.

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