why did you decide to break up?

[confuseded]

just interested in how we judge that someone is not right for us...

Trying to decide at the moment

His 3 affairs in 5 years did it for me! Interesingly, having been divorced 3 yrs we now get along fine. Our relationship was never bad, he is a good dad and I dont dislike him at all, just couldnt imagine ever wanting to be married to him

His affair was the clincher - but being really, really miserable being married to him was probably the underlying reason. I wouldn't have left without the affair though - or certainly not when I did.

I ended my last relationship during the summer because I realised it was really just getting a bit boring. His idea of excitment was a game of pool and a bag of chips. Lovely guy, but sometimes I felt happier just having a night in on my own!

Different aspirations in life is a nit of a deal breaker.
As some have seen my dh has done some things that others have said I should leave him for (money and lying not infidelity) but I do not see that as a dealbreaker if it can be discussed and resolved and overcome.
But if I stopped fancying him I would really struggle to maintain the relationship- its that spark that keeps it going. If/when that has gone, I really think I would struggle to stay with him.

Oh, and the ExH - he fucked off during his second affair. And he knew and I knew that he wasn't ever coming back. And I bloody hated him.

Because after 7 years i was fed up, he didn't show me enough love or care, and I was young and dreamed of the perfect relationship, so i looked around for somebody else who could give me what I needed. Now again this initial love has faded and I realise that in all relationships the initial 'love' fades. Only I failed to see the deeper calmer love that had grown over 7 years. And now I miss it.

• The numerous affairs,
• The fact he tried it on with almost every friend I had (most of whom stopped talking to me, becuase they couldn't stand him and didn't want to upset me)
• The fact he locked me in the house, and cleared out my desk at work.
• The fact he locked me out the house and nailed (yes nailed) an agressive note to the front door when I had been out on a very rare girls night out
• I got to the point where I couldn't stand him touching me

And the one before that

• when I realised that although normal cuples argue, ending up black and blue wasn't a normal outcome.

God when I read that back - I do attract some charmers :)

The lack of communication and emotional involvement to me and to the dcs...

A big differentce in our values, something that didn't quite show originally but I have changed, he hasn't and it's showing up even more.

I am not sure about the intial love tbh. I think love isn't something set in stone but something that changes and evolves.