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Original poster

Would you like/expect your DH to visit your 90yr old Nan once every couple of months?

21 replies

mynaughtylittlesister · 26/10/2011 00:06

I quite happily see his as and when - by the way she is 91 almost 92.

I have asked DH to come with me tomorrow to see my Nan with our 3DDs. We have not seen her for a good 6mths. She lives a good hrs drive from us and 9/10 times moans that we do not see her enough when we do go. I will go tomorrow, but it is jolly hard work - nothing for DD's to do even though they take stuff to do they are bored within 20 mins. My Nan refuses to visit us as its too far!!!!!! (which is a huge bug bear as she will go on holiday with my Uncle a good 2/3 hrs journey away) - but then in an elders persons point of view the holiday will last longer than a day!

It would be so much easier if DH came tomorrow - have even suggested that we go out for something to eat on the way home -My Nan is thrilled (although moans too) that all 5 of us go.

Grr...... what can I say to him to make him want to go?? (apart from the fact that every now and then she gives us money)

I have been with DH now 23+yrs so not a new thing!

As you can probably tell DH is pulling some really negative faces :(

Thanks

OP posts:

WhoIsThatMaskedWoman · 26/10/2011 00:10

DH does exactly that, happily visits my DGM with me and the DCs - and he doesn't have a DGM of his own.

Horsemad · 26/10/2011 07:31

To be honest, I wouldn't, but then I'm a person who keeps their family separate from the husband's.

I only see my MIL socially on Christmas Day and she lives in the same road as me, mind you, I really don't like her.

If he'll be miserable visiting, then I wouldn't pressure him to do so.

EssentialFattyAcid · 26/10/2011 07:56

You can't reasonably expect him to want to go. You can tell him you don't expect him to go but that it would mean a lot to you if he went with you.

Housewifefromheaven · 26/10/2011 08:17

He should go. And look happy about it!! We all have to do things we'd rather not - its only a few hours. Whatever happened to doing something just to make someone happy?

MoaninMinny · 26/10/2011 08:22

leave the kids at home with him, go alone, take photos and whatnot

everyone is happy then

steamedtreaclesponge · 26/10/2011 08:24

Tell him to suck it up and stop being such a baby, it's only one day. I'm presuming that you're not exactly gagging to go and see his Nan, but you still do it.

Bucharest · 26/10/2011 08:24

No.

Nor would I expect him to expect me to visit his family.

Ditto friends.

GooseyLoosey · 26/10/2011 08:26

I do expect dh to engage with my family. I made this clear to him before we got married. They were an important part of my life and I wanted them to continue to be part of it. Fortunately he does.

rubyrubyruby · 26/10/2011 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 26/10/2011 08:42

Yes I would-when I married DH I didn't come alone, he got parents, cousins, uncles etc etc etc and I got all his.
He wouldn't be the lovely person that he is if he wouldn't put himself out to visit a 90yr old woman who is going to be thrilled. Even my DS took his girlfriend to visit my elderly mother last week.
I visit DHs family and on my own. Treat others as you would like to be treated. No wonder people have trouble with their MIL/DIL when they don't bother to make their own relationship and put some effort into it.
DH visits my PIL from my first marriage-we are going next month and he has visited them on his own. They are lovely people.

CactusRash · 26/10/2011 08:42

Yes I would but because he has to go and see my family but because by going he is making things much easier for you and your dcs.
That's what a partner should be. There to support you in difficult times.

ionysis · 26/10/2011 09:13

Yes absolutely. Mine always did so. It was utterly boring for him and very hard work to make conversation but he did it because its a nice thing to do for a lonely old lady.

GreenBlueRed · 26/10/2011 09:14

I love it when dh takes our kids to visit his family alone, partly because it gives me some much-appreciated time to myself, and partly because I have no desire to see them myself. So I fully understand how your dh feels.

Just take your girls, take gm out for lunch somewhere family friendly so that your children are entertained, all have a pleasant time, then return to hand over the girls to dh for you to have some time to yourself too.

exoticfruits · 26/10/2011 09:28

he did it because its a nice thing to do for a lonely old lady.

I think that people should-it isn't much to ask to give up a bit of time and it means such a lot. We went to see DH1's 91yr old aunt last week, DH2 came and she was so pleased. It would have been easy not to bother. It also means that my DCs see it as the norm that you visit the old and lonely, even if there isn't anything in it for you.

cory · 26/10/2011 21:27

I would. I didn't have to marry dh, I married him because I thought he was a caring person. If he couldn't be arsed to go to such a limited amount of troubled to cheer an elderly person who meant something to me I would begin to have doubts.

But then I expect my children, both of whom have painful joint disorders, to do a 6 hour round trip every few months to sit and talk to grandma in the nursing home for a couple of hours. In the same way as they expect me to sit by their bedside if they are ill or in hospital.

HappyCamel · 26/10/2011 21:49

DH does. Nan says "you're much better than the last one", "are you serious about her" (married 3 years, have DD). We've been having our last Christmas with her for the last 6 years, she's 96 now.

I think the treat on the way home is good. A day out on his agenda is a good idea too. Also just telling him how much she means to you and how, when you eventually lose her, you don't want your grief to be mixed up with resenting him for not helping you spend time with her. Sometimes clear communication is the most effective thing.

Original poster

mynaughtylittlesister · 26/10/2011 22:25

Thankfully after sleeping on it last night I decided not to ask again this morning, about 10.30am he asked what time were we leaving to go to my Nans. He came too!

No fuss, no bad mood, no catsbum face no nothing!

I was really grateful as it is jolly hard work although today she did not moan once but sat and talked about every British holiday park she has been to and boy - has she got a memory, bearing in mind that up until recently they were going twice a year to a different one.

She was delighted that all 5 of us turned up.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 26/10/2011 22:31

Glad it went well-it makes everyone feel good and is a fairly simple thing to do.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 26/10/2011 22:42

I'm glad he went.

I don't get all this 'his family/my family' stuff.

exoticfruits · 26/10/2011 22:49

I never ever understand the his/my stuff either-when you marry him he doesn't come alone.

mynewpassion · 27/10/2011 04:57

Glad he saw the light and went. Also glad that you all had a nice visit.

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