Libido has reappeared - don't want sex with husband though!

[Horsemad]

Background: Married 16yrs, 2 kids. Have had some dreadful times in the marriage - both to blame if I'm honest. In recent years we have mellowed and learned to live with each other. My libido disappeared a few years ago and he was miffed, as he has a high sex drive. I didn't do anything about it, just plodded on through the day to day grind of kids, work etc. He is a good provider materially, pays the bills, doesn't drink etc but not so good emotionally and rarely helps in the house, will put off doing his own jobs/chores in the house, so would not think to offer to help me at all - apart from washing up which I insist on as I always cook.

Now however, my libido has resurfaced, but I just don't want sex with my husband!

His personal habits make me want to scream. He is fastidious about showering, but then puts on underwear/socks he's been wearing a week!!! (Or longer). He will sit in front of me and pick his nose, he farts incessantly (his diet is crap 'cause he eats continually - is a grazer) and I am fed up of it.

I have told him about the farting - he looks at me, seems to be listening - then half an hour later will just let rip! Is it a disrespect thing?

I'm not some prudish namby pamby who is horrified by bodily functions, but I don't want to be subjected to this continually. I have told him this over the years, and said it's a huge turn off, but he seems oblivious.

I have now told him I will not have sex with him until he stops doing this; tonight he has already farted twice, no apology, nothing. Yet, he'll be the one whinging that he doesn't get enough sex.

How can I make him see it is so unappealing?

So you didn't get any help and ignored the issue when you didn't want sex,

But now you do want sex we expect him to sort himself out ASAP.

I can't imagine he has just started doing this just because your sex drive has returned and he is trying to repulse you?

And everyone farts. Even you. I know a lot of people hate it but I wouldn't be happy ifDH said I couldn't fart in my own home and vice versa.

The underwear thing is nasty though. A week? Really?!

Do you love him?

Do you love him more than you're repulsed by his unsavoury habits?

Not so much the farting, but the pants and socks thing-euch YANBU there

Kayano - I didn't say he was doing it on purpose because my libido has returned - he's been doing it for years! I'm all for people being 'comfortable' with their partners and not having to stand on ceremony, but honestly, if I've mentioned it's a right turn off, shouldn't he take that on board if he's the one wanting more sex than me??

Shakey - I do love him, but not sure I love him enough.

What was his response when you told him there'd be no sex until he "cleaned up his act" as it were? If he's not prepared to put in the effort then that's pretty sad.

Failing that, have you a pool boy/gardener?

My point was that he has always done it (the farting) he isn't likely to start now. I doubt it's a new
Occurance and I can't see that particular aspect of his behaviour as 'disrespectful'

I did say the underwear and sock thing was minging. But he probs didn't have sex for a long time when you lost your labido and now it's back he hasn't changed his behaviour... It's just bothering you more now.

And I read the 'I didn't want sex, but now I do , just not with you until you change...' a bit odd considering he hasn't changed in the first place and it used to be alright. I am imagining a metaphorical sex carrot ?

But I'm nuts

That being said. Dude needs to clean himself! Yak!

Kayano - He wasn't always like this or I'd never have got with him in the first place! I think the libido disappeared because of resentment.

The resentment is still there, but somehow the libido has returned! When I say it disappeared, I meant we were having sex about once a month - not enough for his liking.

I do find the farting disrespectful, especially as I've told him it offends me, so not sure what the answer is really.