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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why can't I have occasional nights away and come back to a house with all the usual jobs done?

30 replies

Dotty342kids · 24/10/2011 13:42

So........ situation is this. I have several girl friends scattered around the country and in order to see any of them I usually go away from a Sat morning - Sun lunchtime several times a year, with DH's agreement.
Before I go I usually have to leave a clear schedule of which child's doing what, with whom and where (I don't mind doing this) plus details of any specific things that need doing eg. take kids' books back to library etc.

This weekend, I did all of this as usual. When I left my six year old dd was attempting to sew a swimming badge onto her towel.
On my return yesterday the house was in an ok state which was nice, however when I asked her to get her stuff together for swimming lesson she came downstairs with said towel, with needle still sticking out of it. I got a bit cross with dh about this, as she / someone else could have hurt themselves and he went up the wall about my reaction.
Apparently it was my fault as I had been supervising her before I left (she hadn't finished doing it when I left!) and this is yet anohter example of me coming home from being away and just criticising him.
He's right, I often do find something to criticise him about when I come back but my arguement is that I'd like to come back and not find anything to criticise him over!! When he goes away for weekends he doesn't have to think about anything before he goes, and I do everything with the kids whilst he's away AND ensure that there's food in the fridge / on the table when he comes back, house is in its usual tidy state, homework is done etc etc.

He claims he's fed up of not being thanked (not quite sure what for!) whereas I can't see what I need to thank him for given that all I ask him to do is what I do, day in, day out, with no thanks.
So, we're at stalemate. He's sulking and I'm refusing to apologise for criticising him because I think my point was valid.

What I need to know is - AIBU? Do I need to apologise and if so, what for?!

OP posts:
Dotty342kids · 24/10/2011 18:20

I was asking for advice, not minor character assassinations mynewpassion! [shocked]

OP posts:
garlicBreathZombie · 24/10/2011 18:27

Actually, mnp's reply made me chuckle a bit - criticising someone for being critical, while insulting them at the same time!

mynewpassion · 24/10/2011 18:28

I am shocked that you are shocked. You put yourself for us to judge and form an opinion about the situation. Just stating my opinion.

Stop criticizing him EVERY TIME you come back and stop being hard work. That was my advice.

mynewpassion · 24/10/2011 18:29

Last point: you yourself don't want to be criticize all the time either so don't do every time you come back.

Toobluntforboss · 24/10/2011 18:38

I understand where you are coming from Dotty and think you've got some good advice on here - thanks for STOP and the self praise, think I'll use those both myself! Thanks for posting.

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