I left my husband yesterday. What do I do next?

[gemmummy]

Basically he has been having an affair for at least 8 months. I'm lost and don't know what I need to do. I am financially independent so that isn't a problem but I'm just in limbo. Please advise me.

OP I am forces (dark blue) and if this was me, I'd report it. It's against the 'no touch' rule for them to be working together for a start, not to mention highly unprofessional.

Your work will need to be more understanding of you having to take time off, can you switch to a days routine? I assume you are working 24 about? In which case, the only time you really have a childcare issue is the long shift from 5-10:30, so can you get your mum to cover that as it's only every other day? It's not like it'll be forever. Apart from that, suggest your h foots the bill for a baby sitter for this period for the time being.

It's a long weekend this weekend as well for us, have you got it too?

i do 6 on 4 off, with days divided into 3 8 hr shifts. 2 early, 2 mid, 2 late.

Right, so the only days you could take DS to nursery are your 2 mid days?

sorry, not time or place for inter forces banter but...Light Blue? Long Weekend? Never.......

I'm guessing your DH swapped to days so he could deal with DS? (same here)

Dark blue even! i thought every weekend was a long one!

Yeah, I personally try not to work too hard you know? Raises the heart rate.

Where are you?

i start at 7 on earlies so can't take him then. on mids I finish at 11pm. Lates are 11pm til 7am

Every other weekend OP. Tut. Get it right...

LOL long weekend......light blue I thought the same op

i am at the premier air transport and air to air refuelling base of course!!!

Riiiight ok, that makes sense because of the watch handovers on the 24 about system. Yep, I'd get an au pair in ASAP then; you're entitled to a 3 bed with one of them did you know that? See if you can get your mum to help you until xmas though to give you time to sort things out. Or, can you nanny share with another family? We looked into that actually, if the nanny stayed at your house but acted as a childminder on a 9-5 basis for another child, surely you'd be able to come to some sort of arrangement?

oh, i forgot. now the only air transport base!

?

I told you OP, I try not to work too hard...

I work in aircraft too. Avionics

ladies, i have to go, i have been festering in my pj's since 6am. thankyou for all your advice, i will check in later.

gemmummy have pm'd you - don't worry about responding just thought it might help

I'm going back to my house today. Wish me luck.

I think today is worse than when i found out on sunday

Wow you sound really strong! Remind you to hide my phone if I ever piss you off

Glad someone has advised you to go to the STI clinic, is not a nice thing but better for your peace of mind.

Block her number. You owe her nothing. She has not right or reason to contact apart from to keep the hurt right at the top of your thoughts. Don't give her another thought she is beneath you and unworthy of your time.

Take your time. Find out where you stand legally with everything. Don't make decisions based on what 'Uncle Fred' thinks you should do. Wait until you are ready and make the decisions based on what you want to do and what is right for you and your child.

As your H is moving out I would imagine that someone somewhere in the system knows that there are problems. I doubt that no one is aware of what he has been up to or with. It may be best for you to at least chat to your superiors in case you do have a wobbly day (who wouldn't!!!). It would be better to pre-empt rather than have a melt down or struggle for a few days then have to explain.

Be prepared for days where you just want to stay in bed with lots of chocolate and days where you are hyper.

Just make sure to take care of yourself and your son.

Good luck!

Gemmummy

Keep strong we are here to support you if you need us

thanks, H has taken DS to his a swimming lesson. I am going on a holiday that was already booked on friday with DS and some friends. Have told him Daddy is working and can't come. Am going to tell DS after the holiday that Daddy doesn't live here anymore. Dreading it. How do 4 year ols deal with this?

As a child of parents who separated when I was little (about 5) I have no recollection of the events around it I just know my parents didn't live together
As I got older I was already used to it
I also have no recollection of them arguing so maybe that is why it was easier
A clean break, simple facts daddy doesn't live here now, no arguing in front of your DS, don't bad mouth your ex in front of your son - he will have plenty of time when he's a grown up to know the true facts if you want to tell him then