I'm almost embarassed...

[sillyjealousgirl]

to post this, but feel so bitter at the moment I just want to get it off my chest.

I'm average in every way.. career, finance, house, relationships, etc.. my brother is super-successful, in every way. He's ex-pat, I live 10 mins away from elderly mum, and do quite a bit to make her life more enjoyable, visits, lunches out, bunches of flowers, nice presents on special days, the usual daughterly things.

Here is where I sound like a pathetic 10 year old, Mum constantly extolls brother's virtues, how well he's done, how fabulous his house, career, family, yada yada yada (all true and I love him too)

When she skyped him at my house today, she signed off with 'Love you' but not once has she said well done to me, or 'I love you' (closest its been has been 'I love you both', meaning me and brother) and all through our Sunday lunch, at local pub/bistro, which I treated her to, though skint this close to payday, I got the full 'isn't he wonderful' , not even a thankyou when we dropped her home.

I'm both hurt and angry, but feel I shouldn't be.

Sorry its been long, better for venting.

I've got a Golden Brother (Golden Balls) too. It's most annoying. Mum also seems to place Golden Siter above me in her affections - but, when I actually talked to GSis about it, discovered she does exactly the same thing in reverse! It's called triangulating - making herself the axis of all communication, stirring competition between the other parties

You're way above above the average daughter, btw! You do absolutely loads for her. I guess you could reduce your favours towards her (I deliberately don't do any devoted-daughter stuff, but that's another story) but perhaps you don't want to. You could try an interesting experiment and tell your brother you're fed up of doing everything, ask him to cover your mum's phone bills and days out; see what he says. You certainly can tell her, compassionately, that you feel a tad under-appreciated by comparison and ask her for more respect.

You absolutely aren't being unreasonable! Unless you're 'unreasonably' kind to your mum

A huge thankyou for all your comments, and some really timely and welcome emotional support. Its good to hear different perspectives and experiences. Now a few days have gone by, and I've reflected on my feelings and the advice here, I've gained some insight - I can't expect Mum to change, but I can change my expectations of our relationship, I'll enjoy what I can, and accept that her relationship with brother is just different from her relationship with me.

love SJG

I can't expect Mum to change, but I can change my expectations of our relationship - very very wise, OP :)

I had this conversation with my Mum recently about EXACTLY the same issues. She said she had never told me she loved me/is proud of me etc because she ASSUMED I knew

oh that is just crap, marshmallows. That is just not good enough imo

You could back off a bit OP. Not to be punitive or to play games but to flag up a situation that, tbh, is intolerable. As someone said upthread, this will get worse as she gets older and I really think you need to move the pieces on the board a bit to balance things out, and to protect your feelings in future. YOu are always there, always the sweet one. If you back off (a bit, not drastic) she will notice and it might jolt her into realising what side her bread is buttered. Psychology applies, no matter how old people are.

oh, and btw, adult sibling rivalry? Tautology, surely