I let someone have it today

[springydaffs]

Unfortunately I can be extremely sharp, to the point they could probably wish they'd never been born. I wouldn't like to be on the end of me when I say my piece

I'm not sure what the issue is with the so-say drip-feeding and it may be too much to go into but I'd say it was because I felt someone was a gargantuan taker and ran me bone dry before I had the chance to blink. My patience was up to here, stretched to the max ... and I blew

I didn't shout but oh my goodness I cut straight to the quick with 'you' comments re you are one of the most self-absorbed people I have ever met etc. (quite a few etcs ) I really woul't have wanted to say this to her (or anyone) and really wish I hadn't. it is absolutely true but what good is saying something like that? Since when was I the judge and jury.

Anyway, I feel very low about it. In my younger days someone literally went white and slid down the sofa after one of my exocet missiles. I know that sounds funny but I am not proud of my ability to destroy and wish I had more self-control. Or whatever.

Any tips/empathy/whatever? is this hot-headed/fiery or is it toxic? I really wish I didn't do this. Is it anger management I need? I don't shout but I'm deadly. I don't 'blow' often but when I do, God help anyone in my sights.

Yes, I see what you mean.

thank you, Bof

Thanks for interesting posts, it is good to discuss this and to know I'm not alone with volcanic anger problems/exocet missiles and also the hypervigilence thing. (I wonder if it was this uncanny accuracy of perceptions that was at the root of accusations of being a witch? Back in the day with all the witch hunts. There's a thought.)

I haven't been able to post because I am having an awful time of it. I used to get this years ago - paralised is the best way I can describe it. The deepest, darkest funk imaginable. Any suggestions, anybody else experienced this? It is definitely linked to this episode of losing it. Perhaps it's the forbidden-to-speak thing, now I have, it went disastrously wrong. Whatever, I've feeling unbelievably bad and would appreciate some insight into this if anybody has any. back off horrible people

Paralysis, yes! Hah! I'm still struggling to climb out of a very long one myself ... They are caused, ime, by a dual pull: wanting to pull all the murky stuff out into the light for a good once-over and a hot wash, while my early programming mutters darkly "We don't talk about that! You're whining, and we know what happens to whiners, don't we?" (Eek, scared myself just by typing that )

Me, I resign myself to yet another period of economic activity, try not to look at the house dirt and immerse myself in Mumsnet, my journal and my workbooks. I am going to get all that stuff washed!!

You do have to find ways of balancing it out with everyday demands, even if means doing some sort of weird emotional tightrope dance ... that's not recommended in the long-term, though (or in high heels). I wish I could book myself into a lovely, high-calibre mental health unit for about three years, preferably by a sun-soaked beach. Aahhh ...

Right now, I'll have to settle for a shower instead [hwink]

Ahem. Sorry, Springy, I forgot to write the two most important things:

1. I'm very sorry to hear you're down a hole atm. I sympathise completely. Well done for replying! Have a treat and remember it will pass.

1. If you're anything like me, it may have been caused not by your outburst itself, but by having the sense to examine it. Which is where my post above comes in.

It will pass, it will. They always do. You're being wise, you know?
xx

springy I know what you mean about the dark hole after an outburst. In my case it feels like I should just crawl into a cupboard and stay there until everybody has forgotten what I said.

I think in my case it is shame. I beat myself up for being unkind, for not being endlessly patient and giving,, for having needs and wants and for asking for them to be met.

I am learning that if I meet them earlier in the cycle I am less likely to explode, and if I do explode then I have to apologise and forgive myself and stop thinking anything I do actually matters in the grand scheme if things!

Like garlic says at least you are asking yourself the question "Why do I behave so badly?" That is the first step to resolution.

definitely being pulled in two (at least) directions - result: funk.

My spelling's gone up the creek too! (or should I say creak?)

thanks for the tips and kindness and empathy garlic. Don't you feel though that no, I want to get on with my life, I could be here for ever and ever with this shit and blow me my whole life would pass by and I was there gazing at my navel (navle?) for most of it. I know it's a fine balance but a bit of ignore it and it'll go away (I didn't mean that, no, I very definitely didn't).. or, well, I just want to get on with enjoying my life. There's a lot to enjoy, I've been fucked up to buggery (ary?) and so what? Big deal! Get on. I'm probably talking rubbish.

That 3-year (another degree?) therapy near a sun-kissed beach sounds pretty handsome, I must say.

Just had a revelation! It's SHAME. That bloody old rag

bloody old rag?!? where did that come from

aha, you got there before me Little. Thank you

(I love you all!)

I'm embarrassed that I've fallen for the shame thing. I mean, it's such a con artist. please bear with this hyper prelude - I'm getting there and have been comatose for a day at least

"yet another period of economic inactivity", doh!

Brilliant posts, you two! Yes, Shame, that old thief of energy and weapon of destruction. Load of corrosive old bollocks.
On at ninety degrees, I think