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Original poster

Christmas for members of The Heartbreak Club

20 replies

Punkatheart · 23/10/2011 11:37

I am not looking forward to it, but I want to make it as lovely as I can for my daughter. But Christmas to me is lively family fun, eating too much, the odd board game and cuddles with OH. The latter will not be possible this year of course. My DD is adamant that she does not want to see him and I don't either.

So what are other people's plans? How do you adapt and not drown yourself in the gravy?

OP posts:

motherinferior · 23/10/2011 11:40

Can you go away? Would it be better to do a different version totally?

(Am not in this scenario at moment but am Expert in Heartbreak Over Many Years, ho yes.)

ChildofIsis · 23/10/2011 12:16

I am facing the first xmas without xh.

DD has asked him to be with us on the morning to open presents.
Quite how it will go I'm not sure.

There are so many xmas traditions that are to do with xh that I'd like to do it all different this year.
Fortunately DD is young enough to have few expectations apart from presents and a nice lunch.

Original poster

Punkatheart · 23/10/2011 13:13

I don't drive so that buggers up any ambition to go to family. My sister has arranged the day with in-laws.....so it gets complicated. Can I hiberate? Find a cave.

Oh Child - I am so sorry. This is going to be a tough one for all of us.

OP posts:

SkinnedAlive · 23/10/2011 14:56

I HATE Christmas with a passion. I have no DC so am free to do as I please, so at least I don't have to be cheerful for anyone else while my heart is breaking. I plan to work over Christmas, my birthday and New Year - looking after pets whose owners have went home for Christmas. Also study for my exams. I also plan to go to the Dr and get some diazipam and just slumber away the lonley hours [hsad]

ChildofIsis · 23/10/2011 16:00

Well there's one thing for certain we'll have each other through MN.

Who knows where I'd be without it.

I'm looking at it from the point of view that DD and I get to do whatever we choose without having to consult anyone else.
We may well have chocolate for all three meals! And pombears.
The only problem is that wine-o-clock can't come too early if I'm with DD.

Original poster

Punkatheart · 23/10/2011 18:54

We will indeed, Child. I just wish I could look into the future and see something good happening. I could survive all this pain, then - this rainbow of emotions that come uninvited. Today I broke down and apologised to my DD that she didn't have a daddy. Sigh.

OP posts:

vole3 · 24/10/2011 06:34

Hey Punky, I'll be in Boringstoke for the festive season. If you're willing to be dragged out for an afternoon I'm sure we can find something to do that will give my brother a rest from us.

Family is great, when you only see each other a few times a year

DutchGirly · 24/10/2011 08:38

Can you invite friends over for Christmas lunch/dinner?

I have been a single mum for over three years. Every Christmas I spend it with 2-6 friends, I cook the Turkey and everyone brings a separate dish which means less cooking too :)

We watch movies and do board games, DD gets LOTS of presents as she is the only child so she gets spoiled rotten.

Original poster

Punkatheart · 24/10/2011 09:35

Will PM you, Vole. How are you doing?

You are right about family. My mother is phoning me several times a day - because she is so worried about me. I love her but it drives me potty!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 24/10/2011 17:49

Can your mum come to yours for Christmas, punkatheart? How old is your daughter?

Original poster

Punkatheart · 24/10/2011 18:49

My mother is a little nervous driving but it might be a possibility. My daughter is 14 - a little fiery thing but at the moment, my rock. my reason for living.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 24/10/2011 19:19

I'd do everything I could to get her there. It would be lovely for you to have a guest.

fragglerocks · 24/10/2011 19:27

I normally love Christmas but I'm dreading it this year. 1st year without xh.
I'm off to my parents for the day but as I have no DCs I will be waking up alone on Christmas morning which is what I'm dreading the most

Original poster

Punkatheart · 24/10/2011 20:25

fraggle - come onto Mumsnet on that day. I know it is not the same but there will be someone here. Things will get better. We all deserve happiness - a greater happiness, with lovely men.

But for now - we can give each other strength.

OP posts:

wiseoldowl · 31/10/2011 19:39

I'm with Fraggle. Bloody hell - how am I going to get a seven foot tree on top of the car - thats what STBXH was for!!
No seriously I know its going to be different as it's mine & DS first Christmas alone, we haven't really discussed it and I'm not sure he appreciates how different it might be (ie same as a sunday?!) but I know I have to try to make it good, start some new traditions.
I am going out with my parents for lunch so will have to work from there.
Will defo be MNing though, you lot are like a family to me now :)

IWantWine · 31/10/2011 19:59

Well I will be here over Christmas.

I am working Christmas Day etc... every day, and I will enjoy it, but here at home it will be a nightmare.

I suppose I will cook Christmas dinner and sit at the table with my lovely dysfunctional family and my verbally, emotionally and financially abusive, manipulative, lying and controlling 'D'H who I now know never ever cared about me, but wont let me go :( and I will spend the rest of my time in my bedroom with my best friend, a bottle of Cava!

:) Things could always be worse though!

catsrus · 31/10/2011 20:23

bit of a nightmare thinking about it tbh. We always hosted his wider family - rearrangement of relationships all over the place there too (divorces deaths and marriages) so that's not happened for a few years. Last year he came back for Xmas (moved out beginning of Dec) but this year he has a new dw and will be playing happy families with her and her dd. My dcs have gone from being surrounded by family and friends (I think 24 was our top) to it being just the 4 of us and my brother this year [hsad].

I wanted to go away - or do christmas in a homeless shelter - but dcs want to be at home - I'm trying to reel in some other relatives, preferably with very small children in tow to distract my teenagers! not having much success so far.

carantala · 01/11/2011 02:38

Used to really enjoy Xmas when kids were small, despite XH ruining it every year by being drunk. Moving on, XP spoilt it for the last few years; realised recently that he resented being with me. He chucked me out 2 years ago so that he could be with my replacement!

This year, I've decided to see DD and GC in the morning and won't bother with the huge family celebration at DD's MIL as her husband is a cheating, lying bastard and I won't be able to keep a civil tongue in my head!!!

May have a virtual Christmas here on MN!

ParsleyTheLioness · 01/11/2011 03:36

Hell, Crimbo....Pig husband (not ex yet) will not accept that we have really properly split up I think....despite being an Arse about it. But is trying to manipulate teenage dd, and is being faux nice to her....pity he didn't try real nice ages ago, he's been vile with her on and off for ages.

Troulble is, in-laws are 2 1/2 hrs away, my family the same....so gawd knows....

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 01/11/2011 04:28

Guys, i've had some heartbreaking Christmases and then I drew a line in the sand and said no more.

Christmas is what you make it. I would say plan it now. Even if you are a spontaneous person, loosely plan a day of activity (it doesn't have to be full on active, but know what you are going to do).

Try something completely different with a positive determined face, and start making your own Christmas traditions:

Get out of the house for a walk in your Christmas hats
Go to a church service and sing your heads off
If the kids are old enough, volunteer at a centre for the elderly, homeless etc
Buy some pampering things, have a bucks fizz and bagels and spend the morning doing each others nails, facepacks in new fluffy dressing gowns
Buy all the food ready made and in foil trays - celebrate not having to cook for ex's family and make a good impression, and eat whatever the hell you like.
Have friends or family round that can contribute to your happiness and wellbeing, or go out and visit them.
Record/download all the Christmas comedies and specials and watch in the evening with a bucket of Baileys.
If your dc are visiting xp why not book a hotel for lunch with friends or family.
One year i went with 3 friends to the Hilton on Park Lane for Christmas dinner, it only cost £50 quid! We had sooo much fun and there is such a nice atmosphere. I'd have wasted that money buying food that I would have ended up throwing away for one person.

Sorry if that sounds like a firework up the bum, but I took enough gobshite in the past, why let one random person who doesn't want the priviledge of being part of your lives become the centrepiece of what should be your special holiday?

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