how did we cope?

[glitterfairyonachristmastree]

For everyone who has just had their first Christmas day without a partner how are you and how was it?

I was a little tearful at times but actually it was better than I had thought it was going to be even though my mother came round! Xh came and took the kids out for one hour and that went well and he did not come in or even see me which was brilliant! I sent the kids out to wait for him and he dropped them off and left without a word. He phoned later to say goodnight to them and we didnt speak then either.

I had a great time with the kids and they seemed calm and happy. THere were no regrets from them about the day at all and they all said they had had a great time.

THings get better from here on in as friends are coming soon and I only have today and tomorrow before I have visitors.

xh is here but we are not together iyswim, he came for xmas and new year before he goes away

we have got on ok, it's been less stressful than i thought it would be, but dominated by an overwhelming sense of sadness, not helped by the tsunami being a year today.

the kids have had a good time tho, which is the main thing i think.

Hello ladies, just want to tell you about my insirational next door neighbour. She lost her husband early this year after 40 something happy years of marriage. She was devastated. But she's one of these people who always try to make the best of situations that can't be changed.

She's been on holiday to Prague with her daughters this summer, has had work done on her house. She came round Christmas morning for a glass of sherry before lunch in a restaurant with one of her daughters and on to the other daughter's house afterwards.

She's 79 years old and I love her.

Hi Lou and anorak. I think overwhelming sadness is a pretty reasonable description Lou. Anorak I have a friend whose husband died very suddenly this summer she has four kids the youngest is 12 and her husband was 39. She has gone wiht her whole family to New York for CHristmas and is a complete source if inspiration.

I found it was better than I expected. Ex came round for 2 hours to see ds open presents in the morning and then I went to my Mum and Dads and there were loads of us there so it was quite different to a normal xmas anyway.

Tomorrow ex is picking up ds and bringing him back Wed evening, I have arranged to work those 2 days, and I work in retail so should be incredibly busy and hopefully time will fly and everything will very rapidly be back to normal !!

Am working New Years eve and New years day too so shouldn't be too hard either. Can't wait for the New Year so I can put 2005 well and truly behind me !!

Yep there are a few of us who feel the same way. Gald it went better than you expected. I get the feeling that things are often like that with stuff we fear. In the end it is not as bad as we think it will be.

I think 2005 was one of the worst years of my life tbh

Lou, you and all your family have been so much in my thoughts lately, especially today. I wish somehow, in some way, 2006 can be a much better year for you (and everyone else newly single on MN too). You have survived a vile time. M XXX

Thank you Marina, i hope things get better. They cant get worse, so i guess the only way to go is up

Do you have the all-clear to start your driving lessons? Between us we can terrorise half the M25 area

Lou 2005 might have been the worse year of my life but I have learnt a lot. I have learnt about how strong I am and also how much I can do on my own. I am creative and resourceful and a much much better person than I ever thought possible.

Not only that I am emerging from an abusive relationship in a really positive way and I know that however bad it gets it will be ok in the end and so much better for me.

The worst experiences which life throws at us are also a testament to our naturla strengths and character. OK I am getting a little zen like now but I kind of feel that way. This has been the worst experience for me and I have lost an old friend and most of my dreamed of future but my new future will be better than the one I dreamed of I know that. It will also be better for my kids.

Hi all. My first christmas without my husband, we seperated a couple of months ago. I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been hard, I spent last night crying and alone. I too am hoping that 2006 will bring a fresh start. As I keep telling myself 2006 has got to be better than 2005.

Lets hope 2006 brings us all what we wish for and makes cheating husbands diddly bits rot and fall off!

LOl barmybird! Lets hope that the lies they have told and the harm they have done us gets reflected back on them threefold!

My kids have been fantastic and really really helped. I know how hard it is but it is like a test of your strength in a way we have done it once next time it will be better. Dont cry on your own talk on here.

Not yet marina, but soon!

I have nothing but positive thoughts for the new year, there is no other way to be is there? Not unless you want to go under, and i dont.

Of course not and you wont. There are so many opportunities out there and getting some control back will be brilliant it is just really hard and more so at this time of the year.

Mrs M, ninah how are you? Gravity thanks for the email lovely photos!

My day was up and down really. My xh and I just signed our divorce papers on Friday. I thought I was being really strong, but have had lots of low moments over the last few days.....mind you a lot of the overwhelming sadness was to do with the tsunami.

Today I've been on my own with DD all day so have felt a bit lonely.....will just have to make sure I get out and about tomorrow. I'm quite looking forward to going back to work next week as it means I will get a lot of social contact during the day, which will make things easier and will help to stop me being lonely.

However, I'm glad that I've taken the break (we only separated a few weeks ago) and am looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life.

Xh and I are still friends and he still calls a lot to speak to DD.

your sounding alot more at peace glitterfairy. well done you! i'm glad your christmas day went calmly and no dramas with dh. you did it! glad you liked the photos! hectic! too many pina coladas!but good, not too much time to contemplate..... oh boy cant wait to say seeya to this year! goodbye 2005!
anorak - you have an amazing next door neighbour - she sounds amazing!

ps - isnt it awful glitterfairy, you read my email to family and friends.... people so close yet so far that cannot tell them what dh did. its like this pretend front?! happy and loving and "this is a relationshiop made in heaven" front. aaaargh!!!

Yes someone said to me but I always thought you were a "special family!" Oh well at least we kept up a good front I suppose. My xh is good at that though he can be very charming and plausible which is part of the problem in geting people to understand the level of his abuse and cruelty.

People irl who know us were really shocked too, when we split. They kept saying oh but you were the perfect couple. I guess it shows how much of a front you put on in public. In private we were falling apart.

i am so sorry you were exposed to that glitterfairy. charming men, yes well... know why we were originally drawn to them

you have made such a positive decision!

you two have fun tomorrow. xx

Merry xmas lou You sound really positive for 2006 hope to see you at one of the meet ups xx

You too noddy. I keep trying to get along but you always do it when i am unable to make it! Xh is leaving for india on 9th Jan, so i doubt i will make it before he comes back now.

Looking forward to seeing you too Beets. Will probably cry though as am a little weepy today and have hated being on my own. Have told the kids we are going away next year I am never ever doing this again!