Please stop me from interfering with Dp's brother

[prettywhiteguitar]

I am posting this on here as everytime i discuss it with dp it ends in an arguement and we cannot discuss it anymore.

We were told by dp's bro that he is gay, about 4mths ago, he is 31 and only got married last year. His wife is lovely they have a lot in common but she is a lot older.

Anyway my dp's reaction to his announcing he was gay was supportive, but he suggested counselling and etc with his wife and they did go ahead with this, his bro felt none the wiser about how he felt so moved back in with dp's parents, he only moved out last year. They were told by him he thinks he gay and were supportive (now this is a family which don't like open dicussion so I think supportive in the fact that they allowed him back into the family home and didn't ask questions)

Now after a few nights at home he decides that he isn't gay and has made a big mistake so goes back to his wife.

Well I saw on facebook (its always facebook isn't it) that he has been hanging out ( coffees, night out at the pub) with a yound guy who is transgender just recently.

Now does that sound like a guy who is gay ? or not ?

I think we are just confused as to if he had the chance to come out and didn't, why ? Anyway, rant over

I'm leaving the sexual identity question right out of this.

BIL got married recently.
He decided the marriage was a mistake and he was more attracted to others than to his wife.
Then he changed his mind again.
His wife took him back.
Now you think he's seeing someone else.

I think I'd want to alert his wife, but 'should I tell' is a topic that always splits this forum 50/50. Presumably he's FB friends with his wife? Can you talk about this other person when you're all together in RL?

Thanks for the differing opinions guys, but yeah I guess it is as simple as his wife getting the shitty end of the stick that is pissing me off. And yeah that is due to my past.

As for being mundane and not getting being gay, I am definitely gay friendly which is why he came to my dp and I

I guess I just wish he would be honest and stop living a lie and treating his wife with total disrespect ( has no one else just wanted to believe what their husband says even when your friends are telling you to leave ?)

Well we haven't chatted to him about him going out without his wife cause I don't want to shit stir, I guess we are her to pick up teh pieces

It feels good to come on here to talk about it

How much of his feelings has his wife been told?

Perhaps she has decided to support him and stand by him while he tries to reach what must be a very difficult decision.

he told her everything, but she thinks that he's confused

he also thinks that he has asbergers which is confusing the matter. Her previous husband from 20yrs ago came out and they got divorced and so she really thinks she would know if he was gay or not. Her son is gay too.

and it really is just up to her. I wonder if he is just trying out these identities for size with the cross dressing, asbergers and gay thing. I think he just has no idea who he is. He has lived at home all his life.

It is pretty sad

Her previous husband from 20yrs ago came out and they got divorced and so she really thinks she would know if he was gay or not. Her son is gay too

Blimey... well, I would think she is in a position to not be understanding of it.. I suppose.

She must be nearly old enough to be his mum too.... so it sounds a very disfunctional setting all round really.

Maybe you could spend a bit of time talking with her, but to be honest, I would say unless he asks for your help, just be there if he needs you and let him get on with things.

to BE understanding I mean...

sorry I really did not word that well at all in the last post..

He seems to have replaced his mum with a mother figure (she is just over 12yrs older), having said that they were so in love last year, snogging and all over each other all the time. Seemed like they were totally in love.

we are just the listening ear

I think because we are just accepting of everything that they come to us, no matter what they say we are not judging them or really asking anything from them.

However this is maybe when I think we have to draw the line and when you see your brother being underhand - this is where I struggle with Dp - I personnally would ring my brother up and ask him if hes ok and whats going on with this guy. Again he's been out with him on fri night

But probably quite rightly Dp won't ask him

update

spoke to dp's brothers wife, who said he is lying about where hes going but cause the transgender friend is on facebook she can see. He is angry at her for things that have come up from her looking at his computer before, like gay porn, so shes too scared to say anything about him lying.

i think shes accepted that the relationship is doomed but he refuses to budge and says their problems are because shes spying on him. I guess she could chuck him out but deep down is still on love and its hard to do. poor chicken

yeah i agree, i just wish he'd move home