I've namechanged for this as I've been on this site for a very long time and I dh no doubt knows my username. Please dont out if you recognise me.
I dont know where to start really. I just need to write something down. DH and I are fundamentally different. We should never have married really, I think we both knew that, its just that we loved each other and we thought it would be enough.
He is desperately unhappy with his life. I am not. He is unable to let go of something he thinks I said to him before we got married -he thinks he will never come first for me because I wanted to be with my ex - this isnt true - however he is inable to comprehend that because of whatever it was I said back then ( Id dont remember what it was and the likelyhood is that he twisted it to suit him anyway, but the point is it was years ago). Its always on the back of his mind, and whenever we disagree he says something to the effect of 'oh why dont you go back to ...'. I despair of this - to me its utterly ridiculous as we've been together for nine years and have two children. Unfortunately he cant get it out of his head. Apparently I havent convinced him otherwise in all this time. This makes me incredibly sad.
The other very big problem is that he doesnt want to be in this country - he wants to be in another one (Oz) and there is no compromise on this - we either live here or there forever (we lived there briefly before kids) . I dont want to live there - I love where we are now and cant understand why he thinks its better there - his excuse is that the kids will have better employment opportunities and I'm being selfish. I cant argue with that, but its really about him not them and we both know that.
He is so unhappy here. He hates his job, he refuses to like where we live (he called it boring last night) but there is loads to do and its lovely (from my pov obviously). He has no friends and apparently doesnt understand my need to make new ones (I dont have a need specifically - I just do it!) He has pined for Oz since we came back.
He would leave me if it wasnt for the kids - I know this. He does love me but it wouldnt be enough for him to stay. He loves them to bits though and wouldnt go without them. He said he could overlook our biggest issue if he was in Oz. I dont believe him at all. It wont change. In his eyes, thats the solution to everything. But I know that to make him happy, it will make me unhappy. I do love him, but if I went, I think he'd end up leaving me anyway, and I'd be stuck there forever because I'd be unable to bring the kids back (legally, and also because they need him too and I couldnt do that to any of them)
There are other issues between us that probably can be resolved, but these massive two will never go away. I know I have it easier, because we are where I want to be and I dont dwell on stuff like he does.
So we're kind of stuck in this situation that we deal with for a while, then for whatever reason he snaps and disappears to the spare room for days/weeks on end refusing to eat or come downstairs. It cant carry on, but what else do we do? I dont really expect an answer, I just wanted to spill really. so thanks if you got this far.