Help me plan a bootcamp to heal my broken heart. I'm on day one.

[innerstrength]

It has been a while since I've had to ask for help on mumsnet. I have only been with my boyfriend for a few months, but is has been lovely and amazing and magical. We have split because logistics were making it almost impossible to see each other (long distance/kids/irregular work). His decision not mine, and he is not going to change his mind.

I feel like I am falling apart.

Being with him was the loveliest thing that had happened to me in years, and I am struggling to see a way back up again. All other aspects of my life seem treadmilly, and i'm ashamed to say I don't even feel interested in my children at the moment.

I need a step by step bootcamp to heal a broken heart. Can anyone help please?

Crap today but I don't know why. Just feel all too uch in my life to cope with atm.

I'm sorry FAB. :( Have you had many relationships since the one you couldn't get over? Do you have any contact with him now?

No contact and I am very happily married. It is all ridiculous really.

It's not ridiculous. I just wish we could all have more control over our feelings :(

Just tried to go to Sainsburys. THe memories suddenly overwhelmed me and it felt like I was having a panic attack. Had to get home as fast as possible.

Have put some momentoes and various items of clothing that remind me of such special times in a box, with copies of all the romantic emails he sent me :( I do not know how I am going to cope with the children when they come back tomorrow.

Hi innerstrength

I am so sorry I have no real advice but I am going through this too

I have only just found the courage to open your thread. I started one myself actually and received lots of practical how-to-get-through-the-next five minutes advice as well as longer term coping advice. WardrobeYeti provided some good advice (as did everyone else), I would like to thank Wardrobe and everyone who has posted here on innerstrength's thread for all your advice and comfort.

Wanna go halves on an industrial package of tissue boxes, innerstrength?

Floptom I have read your thread :( I almost posted on it but was struggling so much myself I didn't feel I could advise you. How are you feeling today?

Here is where I'm at with my recovery bootcamp plan.

This weekend - kids away. Cry. Cry. Wail. Cancel work shifts for next few days. See a couple of very close friends and cry with them. Read the Paul McKenna Book. Treat myself as if I'm ill.

Next week (school hols) - go away to stay with family who will help entertain kids. Read more self help books while away. Be miserable but in a change of scenery.

From Monday 31st - try and make positive plans. Get hair cut. Buy new clothes. Go to the gym. Get busy. Clear out cupboards. Try and plan something new. :( :( :(

No real advice, just sympathy. Focus on your kids, it's great you have someone to cuddle with!

Start something new: knitting, climbing, photography.

Break-ups hurt and the whole "what could have been" thing is so awful.

Feel what you feel, don't fight against it.

innerstrength

Your plans sound pretty much like mine. I've been crying a lot this weekend but then I get so embarrased (mid tears) that I start trying to laugh and joke instead, whilst spluttering in an increasingly higher pitched voice. I am so lucky to be in the company of friends

Next (this) week I should have been away with DP and DSS but now I won't be so I will just have to go to work and try not to think about the fact that I am never going to see DSS again [no emoticon for this pain but think of every gut wrenching slam in the heart pain that leaves you winded] I am hoping that working will be the best thing to get me through half term.

So that's the week and thankfully my sister will be dealing with me at the weekend, she's planning baking cakes together, a night out, and shopping for new stuff and loads of other helpful things (she's good at this kind of girly break up shit). All I have to do is put myselfon the train and get to her on Friday. I am pretty sure she'll be making me do the all the things you mention in your Monday 31st onward plan. Which means it might be right?!

sorry

innerstrength, I know that at the stage you are at, nothing will stop the pain - and you need to recognise that and not feel frightened - it will pass, it will go away in time. You are grieving and it simply takes time. The panic you mention, when you think of him being with other people - I completely recognise that> I remember sitting and sobbing, I thought my heart would burst, when that exact thought popped into my mind - yet, about six months after that relationship ended, I met the real love of my life...I would not have imagined it, but step by step, I forced myself to move forward, meet new people and focus on learning from the experience.

This might not be right for you, but personally the thing that really, really helped me was seeing a therapist - it helped me look at how my feelings had developed, where there were patterns in my relationships that were causing me pain - but there was a lot more going on for me than simply one painful relationship.

but it is amazingly good to have a neutral safe person to pour it all out to - so I do really recommend it, it helped me get ready to meet the right man !

Yes - I have already seen started seeing a counsellor and am seeing her again tomorrow. You are right - it is a safe place to go and sob, and I am very aware I need proper help to move forward from this.

Inner Nothing but nothing other than time will heal you. You can bungee jump off the Sydney Harbour Bridge...abseil down the Burj Khalifa...will still be there when you get to the bottom!

You have to go with your emotions, don't try and speed them up, this isn't possible. I was in a relationship of 3 years and was truly truly devastated and actually felt physical pain. I got better, but not through doing anything other than going with it. It hurt like hell and I would not want to go through it again, however I'm back out the other side (after 2 years!).

My thoughts are with you, I truly feel your pain..

Thank you. I know you are right about the time it takes.

Bloody hell though, might as well just write across the whole of next year's diary and one for 2013 "Be very sad" :(