How do I dump a friend?

[yellowflowers]

Long boring story but a 'friend' and I had a major falling out a few years ago and never really got a relationship back, nor do either of us want to. But we have lots of mutual friends and see each other at parties etc. In theory this is fine - we no longer have a one on one thing going on and we can deal with bumping into each other, but I have recently found out she's been slagging me off and being adults rather than schoolgirls I just want to move on. Shall I have a conversation with her or just stop inviting her to things completely? Not really interested in resolving things - the friendship has run its course.

It doesn't sound like you have to do anything. You can put people right if she is saying untrue things, or trust them to ignore it, surely?

Keep the peace for the bigger social events. Who is carrying stories between you both?

In my experience the mutual group of friends will tore at this other friends negative comments and 'slagging off' and gradually get frustrated by it and stick by you anyway.

Don't stir up anything unless you really need to.

No conversation required. If you don't particularly want to see her then yes of course stop inviting her to join you.

You can't stop anyone slagging you off, you should just ignore it.

Stop inviting her to things.

If others organise something and they invite her, then fair enough, she's there and you can be polite.

But why invite her to things that you organise? Or invite her to things that other people have organised (not that it's your place to invite her to something organised by someone else, that's their job! so I'm assuming you don't)

But I wouldn't have a conversation with her about her slagging you off. What would it achieve? She wouldn't stop, would she? You'd just give her something else to bitch about you.

And remember - "it takes your friend and your enemy working together to hurt you to the heart - the one to slander you and the other to bring the news to you"

So when some kind soul next decides to tell you that you are being slagged off, you say "If I can just stop you there. Thanks, but I'm really not interested in hearing what she's saying. It really isn't important" (or if you want to be a cow " she really isn't important"

Second Hecate post - don't invite her to anything you organise. And don't lower yourself to her level by retaliating.

Just out of interest, do you know why she's slagging you off now, when you fell out some time ago? Or has she been doing it since you fell out?